I have no clue as to how to dress this body

I'm in that transitional stage. I've got a little pot belly (I promise a pic is coming soon) but I'm not sure as to how to dress it. I am used to wearing fitted clothing. Now, I'm not talking about cat woman tight, or low cut or anything, I'm just a fan of fitted clothing. I've basically had the same body shape since high school, and I'm very comfortable dressing that body.

This body? I don't have a clue. I know I don't have the full blown pregnant belly, I've just got a little pot belly. Maternity pants feel good, but I can't justify purchasing 7 pairs to get me through the week as I know that in a few short weeks, they may not fit, and a few short weeks from that, I'll be looking at them longingly just as I do my 'cute' non-pregnant clothes now.

So, today I'm wearing a button up top that used to be very, very baggy on me and now my little pot belly protrudes just a bit stretching the bottom buttons just as the top buttons used to bulge a little at the bust. Oh, the bust can't even be buttoned now, I've just got a camisole underneath it to hide the girls. The pants? Hand me downs from my mom. They're comfortable, but I can't secure them at the waist... maybe because I don't technically own a waist anymore? Hmm. Oh, and then the piece that totally makes the total outfit: the awesome boot I'm wearing for my poor foot. Yes, that's all I need for a true fashion disaster.

14w5d

Traveling, Classes and Maybe a broken foot?

Wow, a lot's happened in the last week or so. First of all: We're officially in the second trimester! Yay! Who's "we're"? Uh, I don't know, either me and the baby, or Nick and I or well, I guess all 3 of us.

First news? We got our bugaboo... yay! Super excited and pics to follow.

We went to our 'early pregnancy class' about a week ago. It was good. I wasn't the farthest along, but I was the one with the noticeable bump... how that works, I have no idea. One of the women hadn't even told her work yet and she was 15 weeks along!

Also, I some how hurt my foot. I've had x-rays, it's not broken, but they can't rule out a stress fracture. So now I'm running around in a big ol' boot to protect my foot. Fun times.

We just saw our NP again today. We got to hear the heartbeat, although it's being stubborn, it kicked and punched a couple of times before we could actually hear the heart beat. She said we've got a little active one, and she's sure I'm not going to enjoy that later on in the pregnancy. But for now, I'm looking forward to feeling it moving around...

Oh, speaking of "it" we don't have our big ultrasound scheduled yet. Apparently, if we haven't heard from Radiology in the next week or so, we're supposed to call and schedule it ourselves. Fine by me! I think our NP wants to see us a week after that appointment, so hopefully it will be the week of the 21st of January... and the clock beings to tick tock a little slower...

That's it for now, although I'm due for a new belly shot... Maybe in the next day or so.

14 weeks 3 days

Baby Goods

So, as I've started looking through all the baby goods out there, I've decided I don't really want a lot. We don't own our home, so I can't paint the nursery walls, but I'll still decorate it in 'baby' style. It's going to be a nursery/guest room. So, the more I research, the less I'm inclined to buy. Don't get me wrong, we'll get staples, but we want high quality items that can be used for 2 kids, and then we can give it away.

So, that being said, here's my rough initial list:

1) Bugaboo stroller. Yes, it's the craziest stroller out there, it's expensive, but it's versatile (and perfect for our needs). We'll use the bassinet in our room until the baby sleeps in the crib. The bassinet will also be used when traveling. The stroller frame will clip in our infant car seat, which we'll use until it outgrows it. Then, we'll move to the 'stroller' seat (hopefully timed well with the transition from bassinet to crib). Good news? I was just told that I'll be getting a bonus that I can apply to this purchase! Yay!

2) The infant car seat we like is the Graco Snugride. It's one of the safest out there, and it attaches right to the Bugaboo and to the swing we're looking at getting, which brings me to ...

3) The Graco SweetPeace. This thing is crazy. It 'rocks' in 2 directions, vibrates, has a variety of 'white noise' options and you can even plug your ipod in the back to your favorite "baby mix" to put it to sleep... Now only if it would nurse the baby, too! As I noted before, the snugride will click right into this, so if baby's sleeping when we come home from the grocery store, I can just ensure it continues to sleep while I unload the groceries! here's all the info: http://www.mysweetpeace.com/##

4) We're still deciding on a crib. This isn't super high priority, just something that's safe and hasn't been recalled. I'd like something in a cherry finish with a drop side. Nothing too fancy... we'll get there later. Same with bedding. Others get super excited about this... maybe I'm just not because we don't know the sex yet? Eh... we'll get there.

5) We have a dresser in said guest bedroom/nursery, and I'm planning on getting a changing pad for the top of it.

6) Books. I can't wait to get a bunch of books to read to our baby.

7) Diaper bag. I'm such a purse snob, of course I've looked into this already! And, what a shocker! it fits on the back of the bugaboo! http://www.petuniapicklebottom.com/collections/original/touringtotes/trottingintiergarten/

8) of course, bottles, diapers, burp rags, a few play things (maybe a baby gym?) a boppy (for breastfeeding and for supporting the baby), a breast pump (NOT manual!) and blankets blah, blah, blah...

Maybe I should have titled this as a 'wish list' for the items I've researched and plan to go for.. hmm. Anyway, I'm excited. When I first found out I was pregnant, I looked at a few things online and I realized how overwhelmed I was at the choices, and, well, just the amount of STUFF out there for babies. Of course, the stores all tell you you need EVERYTHING, but after doing some research, I'm going to try to pair it down as much as possible.

13w2d

Nick's the best!

So today, I'm sitting at work, having a less than spectacular day (read: grumpy!) and I see through the front window that flowers are being delivered. I said, "Oh! Who's that for?!?" because, you see, I'm a nosey beast when it comes to things like this. They said "YOU!"

Well my, oh my... hmm, who are they from? Normally Nick sends me flowers from the place that did our flowers from our wedding, and this wasn't from them. Well I read the card and it says:

"Hey Mama, just wanted to let you know that I'm so excited for our little monkey. Love you always. Love, Papa"

He's the best. Seriously, the best! (insert warm fuzzies here!)

still 12w,5d

NT Scan

OK, so first of all, I have no pictures to post with this one... BUT I'll be able to describe what happened. Yesterday, we had the ultrasound portion of our NT scan. This test tells us our chances of having a child with Down's Syndrome. We went to Oakland for this appointment (far!) to a new facility. We got there, they brought us in pretty quick and we had a super nice tech initially. This room was much bigger than the room we've been going to to see our NP. They had a monitor for us, and one for them (great idea!) The clarity on the monitor was great! She plopped the gel on, and started moving the ultrasound head and found our baby right away.

At first, it was cooperative. It was laying in a nice position to see the neck (what they measure during this appointment). At first, I just thought it had it's little hand up towards it's head, but then, with further inspection, we saw that it was sucking it's thumb! This runs in my family, so I told Nick that it's definitely our baby! (Duh, as if it's not inside me! I haven't quite figured that out yet... maybe when it starts kicking and I can feel it!). We also got to see and hear the heartbeat, a healthy 153 beats per minute. The other thing we noticed, just about right away was how big it's little belly was! The tech said that some babies at this stage aren't very well defined and look a little, um, odd. She said that ours definitely looks like a little person, and it looks very, very healthy! (Yay! nice to hear it from someone other than us!). Then, the second tech came in. Apparently the first tech doesn't have the certificate to take the NT measurements.

Oh, and our baby's measuring a day ahead. Maybe I AM almost out of the first tri!

This second tech wasn't unfriendly, she just wasn't excitable and talkative like the first one. So, when she put the ultrasound head on my belly (with a VERY full bladder, per the instructions) the baby had turned so you could see it's back (little, tiny spine!). Apparently, our baby had the same thoughts on this woman as I did. It wasn't interested in giving her a great view, because she just wasn't as nice and talkative. She thought she'd try to turn it by bouncing the ultrasound head forcefully up and down on my uterus (and, in turn my very full bladder). Nope, that didn't work... after many, many tries. She had me cough, and she got a few shots, with just enough of a view to take the measurements she needed. Note to self: when the tech is nice and revels in the fact that you and your husband is enjoying watching your little one, TAKE ADVANTAGE, as the next one may not enjoy it as much as you do!

Good news? Our baby has a minimal chance of having downs syndrome. Only 1 in 10,000 of a chance. :)

12w, 4d

1st tri end in sight... but not here yet!

Ah, so this weekend was great in that I had TONS of energy on Saturday, at least until 8:45pm, then I fell asleep. Sunday? Pooped. All day! Another day of laying around on the couch. I'm really, really looking forward to the so-called 2nd trimester 'burst' of energy you're supposed to get. Lemme tell you, this fatigue really puts a cramp in the holidays. Nick was so awesome yesterday, he cleaned the house, put up an evergreen wreath and just made the house look awesome. I love it. I think he was sick of looking at the stuff I was too pooped to lift a finger to move. He's been a real trooper, I'm quite impressed.

He also reminds me to do things. Apparently, this condition called "pregnancy brain" is really giving me a run for my money. I don't remember to send out thank you cards, I get tasks started, but never really finish them, and that, coupled with my short temper (thanks to those oh-so-fabulous hormones) really put me in a tizzy.

Ah, now on to the positives: I'm pregnant. I've got a pregnant gut (aka beer belly looking gut), my boobs have now increased 2 full cup sizes (this is good for Nick, not so much for me) and they're not as sore, thank goodness). Ah, my favorite: everyone knows! I've been given license to tell any and everyone about our little monkey. Thank goodness! No more hiding, slinking around. I can freely wander in baby sections with the news that I haven't gained weight because that's what happens after high school, I've gained weight because I'm growing a baby. Yay!

12w, 1d

So, it's official! Everyone knows!

OK, so a lot's happened since my last posting. I'll try and go in chronological order:

Our appointment. We went back to see my favorite NP Carolyn. She's great. This was supposed to be my 'first' prenatal appointment with her, which means it comes with the oh so fun stuff that happens at the yearly appointments. Nick (I'm using his name from here on out....) had to sit on the side as Carolyn waved her little mascara wand thingy around. 

She said she understood why I've had some spotting. And every thing's looking great. Then, she

 said the magic words "let me go get the ultrasound machine". This is why I love that woman. 

So, she gets the machine and turns it on. Once she found the baby, the monitor was turned towards her and Nick. All the sudden they jump "Wow!" Apparently, as soon as they found it, it flipped positions. When they turned the monitor to me, I saw it's little arms and legs dancing around. She happened to snap this super cute ultrasound picture: I think it looks like a gummy bear! Also, all those pregnancy books show this little scrawny belly, whereas ours definitely has a tummy!

Then, the next day, I got to tell work. We had a staff meeting, and went through all the boring stuff. The last thing listed said "Company News". So, I went into a locked office and brought out a bunch of small cupcakes. On the top of the cupcakes said "Baby due in June" I said we needed some food for the meeting, so I brought some. When I put the cupcakes down, there were 2-3 people that were just going to dive in and eat one. I said... "Wait! What's it say?" The one person I knew would get super excited read it aloud, there was a brief pause and then she jumped up and came to give me a hug. I think if no one else was there, she would have cried. Everyone was really surprised, and excited. One of the people actually said she glanced at me earlier in the week and after seeing my belly thought to herself "She better slow down with that snacking, she's gaining a lot weight!" She apologized for her 'thoughts' after the announcement (cracks me up!). 

I did have an emotional afternoon later that day, over something stupid, but I guess one can't go through pregnancy without at least one crying fit. 

11w, 5d

More belly pics

So, my good friend enjoys mocking me for taking these pics. Eh, I don't really care. I really want to see this thing grow... so here's the latest. I got my husband to shoot this one of

 me... and, my goal is to take a pic before every doctor appointment, so at least I'll be consistent. 

Without further adieu... 

By the way... this is, by far, my favorite outfit, EVER. Not the best picture of me ever, but I'll keep that in mind for next time... for comparison, I'll dig up a few photos. 

Oh, and one of my hobbies is photogra

phy. I freakin love it. More than I should. I take pictures of everything

. Good news? Everything's documented. Bad thing? I'm never, ever in any shots. So, I may have to dig deep into the vault to show a pic of my belly pre positive pregnancy test... 

Ha, found one... my hair's grown qui

te a bit in a little under a year! I look super tired, but you get the point... Maybe I'll take my next picture in my favorite Yankee's t-shirt! 

Well, now I'm in a picture searching mode... Here's one from our honeymoon and since my husband is so cute... here's his pic with the turtle! Just so you know... formatting gets weird with pictures... so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for this post to turn out without funky formatting! 

11w, 1d

"Was it planned"

Why, oh why when you tell someone you're pregnant, they feel it's ok to automatically ask if you were responsible with your birth control or not? I just told one of my bosses (an off site boss, one that I see about once a quarter) that we're expecting a baby and she got very excited and then asked: "Was it planned, or not?"

"Um, yes, planned. We felt the timing was good for us"

GROSS!!! I really, really don't want to have this conversation with my boss! Especially her!!! She doesn't have kids, I wouldn't imagine her and her partner ever dreamed of having kids and her friends probably don't have kids. Maybe she just didn't know what to say. I'll give her that. But she was excited.

Anyway, I know that I will never, ever ask about someones sex life and planning "capabilities" when they announce they're pregnant. First response: Congrats! When's it due?

Whew! Ok, vent over. The rest of my workplace finds out on Thursday. I'm looking forward to that as I know they will all be SO excited.

11weeks even!

So... I've been a slacker.

I haven't updated this thing in awhile. Work has actually picked up for me a bit, not allowing me to put all necessary energy into screwing around on the internet. How DARE they!?!?! Eh, such is life.

Good things: Today I went to pick up a slew of paperwork for our '1st trimester screening'. I have an appointment next week, and at that time I get to go give them more blood for the first part of the NT scan. The week after that, I get to go to Oakland (seriously? nothing closer? Nope. Oh, ok, thanks.) and have the ultrasound where they measure the amount of space in the spinal column to see if there's downs or spina bifida (let's hope all that folic acid I've been taking has done it's job!) The week after that? 1st trimester class or "Early pregnancy class". I think it's funny because they actually signed me up for that at the first boring clerk appointment (remember the 20 forms and blood work? yup, that one). Anyway, I'll actually be OUT of my first trimester the day of the class (13w,3d). Oh well. I'm sure it will allow me to plan for the rest of the pregnancy.

The OTHER really good thing is: My mom and dad sent me a package from http://www.brownies.com of super yummy brownies and hot cocoa. Yum! Lately it's been dropping in the 30's at night (for those in the midwest, yes, I complain about this because I live in California and we aren't supposed to 'literally' freeze here!) and so the hot cocoa sounds SO good right now. Plus, it came just in time for our 'date night' tonight. I'm going to make my husband watch the movie "Waitress" with me. He'll hate every minute, but I'll feed him some of the brownies, so that will make up for the 'chick flik'

Update on me: I'm feeling ok. Sometimes great! Sometimes like crap. Just hanging in there. Bloat has minimized just a bit, but I notice it's been replaced with fat. Awesome. I haven't weighted myself in a bit... maybe I'm too scared? I can start to feel where the uterus is rising out of my pelvis. (Just a bit). Boobs are less sore, too. OK, enough complaining.

This weekend we're going to a friends "Ugly Christmas Sweater" party. I can't wait! I can only hope I can stay up and not have to leave 10 minutes after showing up (because I'm pooped)! So the host and hostess are friends of ours, and they're expecting their first baby in May. They were the ones that we went out with the night that I got my BFP. Of course we didn't tell them that we're expecting then, but we plan to tell them at their party. I told her via email that if I could get my shit together, I'd have a surprise for them on Saturday. This is two-fold: First surprise: I'm due just about a month after her! Second surprise: I'm actually almost finished with a cute pair of hand-knit booties for them.

Anyway, looking forward to the weekend. Hope you all are, too!

10w,4d

Things I've learned thus far...

So, I'm officially a quarter of the way through my pregnancy! Wow, that went quick! (guess it's because you technically don't know you're pregnant until you're about 4 weeks along, but whatever, I've known for 6.5 weeks, and that time has flown by.

Quick updates: the bloating is getting better, I'm steadily gaining weight, meat aversions have tapered off, then I ate so much freakin turkey this past weekend, if I see another piece of turkey, I'll barf, but not because of morning sickness... I think it's just too much tryptophan in my system! Anyway, right now? I'm feelin pretty darn good.

But, the point of this post is to note what I've learned thus far... so here it goes:

- The secret is hard to keep

- Once anyone other than your husband and you know, many, many people will know. Even if you ask nicely. Even if you ask very, very nicely and tell them that if something bad happens, they'll have to 'untell' all those that have been told that the pregnancy wasn't viable. People get excited, that's good. People like to share good news, that's good, but only when it's their news to share. We actually had to make a few 'emergency phone calls' to some close family friends because someone told another family friend. We wanted it to come from us. So, emergency phone call instead of planned weekend up to see said friends. Anyway, you get the picture.

- When people find out you'll get 3 questions right away:

1) will you find out the sex?,

2) Have you thought of names? and

3) How far along are you? (or, when's the baby due?)

- When question #3 is answered, they make a funny quizzical look (while they're doing the math in their head) and they quickly realize how long you've been keeping this a secret. This is when they're still super excited for your news, but they're slightly disappointed you didn't tell them the MINUTE that you found out that you were pregnant, that, well, you're pregnant. We've had multiple inquiries similar to the following: "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

Well, actually, statitics show that the chance of miscarriage drops dramatically after x number of weeks (or after ______ milestone). I then would gently remind them that we, in fact, are sharing our news rather early. They don't fall for it. Eh, such is life.

- Have someone to blab to ... whether it be a super close friend, an online chat community (this can be a little dangerous, tread lightly), an acquaintance that is just close enough to be able to talk to, but won't blab because your circle of friends isn't close enough, whomever you choose, make sure you've got their trust. Oh, a blog works well, too. :)

Well, that's all I've got for today.

10 weeks even!

Whew!

It's official, I've told my best friend. That was the hardest from me for a number of reasons. 

#1 I knew it would be easy to come out, but I was still scared to (you think I'd be over that by now?!?)

#2 There's been some stuff going on in her life and I wanted to ride some of it out before dropping a bomb on her. 

#3 I knew if I didn't tell her right from the beginning, I'd catch hell for it. And boy was I right for that one! (Good hell, she still loves me ...  I think....) 

Anyway... just a few more weeks before we make the announcement to the rest of the world, but all the important people are now very much aware! I feel so loved! 

9w3d

Boss? Check! Friends? (almost) Check!

OK, yesterday was a big day. My boss (owner of a small company) and I meet up for drinks and a 'vent' session about once a month (at least, that's the goal). Looking back on it, he was the last person I had a drink with before my BFP. So, all day I was gearing myself up to tell him.

My mind was racing. I was thinking: "I'll tell him how dedicated of an employee I am, and that I won't let anything slip. He's known me long enough that he can trust me to get everything done, even with a newborn in tow" I had everything planned out. It was going to go so well.

Then, I got to the restaurant. He was parked right in front of me. We walked in, sat down. The way to attentive bartender arrived with menus stating "The wine list is on the back". Trying to stall, I asked for a cocktail list. He showed up with that in 2 second flat. Crap. My boss started to ask me what I wanted and I blurted out "I've got news!" (I'm such a dork, breathe, you can do this). "So, I'm... I'm pregnant."

He said "Oh! Wow! That's great! But why did you ask for the cocktail list? You can't drink."

"I was trying to stall time"

"Damn, now we can't go out for drinks" I was so relieved that that was his reaction. Not, AH! What's going to happen to the business!

Oh, and for the record: I had a lemonade with pomegranate juice... it's delish!

So then I proceeded to tell him that "every thing's going to be under control, I've got a plan, blah, blah, blah" He told me that was the least of his worries. His main concern was the drinking (which cracks me up!) We went on to discuss the ways my job could evolve and be really flexible so I can work from home. He also has another start up business that they'll need some part time help, and can totally be done at home. He's going to talk to the other partners as to how I can be involved as a new parent next summer, while at home with an infant. I have to admit, working for a small company can have some pretty awesome perks at times! He admitted that he and his wife are planning on trying to conceive in the spring. Exciting news!

Then, I left there, went home and picked up my husband. We were going to meet his closest friends for dinner at this new restaurant so we could tell them. We get there, one couple is missing (they're always late). Apparently one friend asked another friend about a week ago if she was pregnant, because she wasn't drinking... she complained to one of the female friends that he said that because she's getting fat. Not the case, apparently. When we heard that story, I kicked my husband, and he snickered quietly in my ear. So, after we've sat down, we ordered pitchers of margaritas (omg, I was drooling!) and I had a nice glass poured for myself (boo!) the other couple shows up. I kept nudging my husband to tell, he whispered in my ear that he's nervous. Then, the perfect opportunity! The "pregnant" conversation came up again between the guy that asked the girl if she's pregnant. So, my husband said "Well, it's funny you should bring that up, because she may not be pregnant, but we're going to have a baby!"

OMG, one of the girls got so excited! She came within inches of leaping over the table to tackle us! It was funny how there was such an uproar, and then one of the guys said "Are you guys serious?" His new wife turned to me and said "You're gonna be the first! You're going to be a mommy!!" All in all, a GREAT experience. Much better than some of the other reactions (thank goodness!)

OH! I almost forgot! My husbands grandparents found out yesterday, too. The stuffed monkey from build-a-bear arrived at their doorstep. I'm going to copy and paste what I wrote to my husband (the play by play) and then I'll tell you what comments they told us after:

"Well, at lunch, I checked to see if the package arrived. It was there. So, I called your mom to tell her to 'get ready'. She said she was going to give them a call shortly after she finished lunch to see if they got the T-day flowers and 'the package'.

So, your mom calls me back like a 1/2 hour later. She called, and spoke with Grandma. The weather is junky outside, so they were staying home. When your mom called, apparently there was a 'drug bust' or something going on in the neighborhood. 5 cop cars from different counties or something. Anyway, she said "Did you receive the flowers?"

"Yes, they're pretty"

"How about a package"

"Yes, I received a package, probably the clock I ordered... That got here FAST!"

"Mom, that clock is custom and will take 6 weeks, go open that package" it's at this point there's more scuffling with the police outside. Your mom asked "Mom, is Tot right there?"

"Yes, he's at the window."

"OK, good"

Grandma opens the package "Oh, it's a monkey. How cute is that"

Your mom: "See the arm? squeeze it"

Grandma: "It's a talking monkey"

"YES! Now listen to the monkey"

Then, she played it again, and they got it. They're both so excited. She was saying that her sister has 2 great grandchildren, and she's so happy one's on the way. Your mom said, "See! she only has 2, and you're going to have more, it's worth the wait"

So, we should be getting a call from Grandma and Grandpa this evening, around 5:30. They're going to wait to tell everyone at Thanksgiving dinner. They're going to give a seat to the monkey, when people ask what it is, they're going to push the button."

So, my husband received the call from his grandma and grandpa while I was out for 'drinks' with my boss. He said that his grandma said "I had given up!" and his grandfather was SO excited, he told my husband that "He's a man now" (omg, seriously? that's funny!). They're so excited to share the news with the rest of the family!

So, big blog update, thanks for hangin in there if you're still here!

9w3d

More people know!

Wow! This telling people is really, really fun! It's so exciting to have others confirm our excitement and joy knowing that we're going to have a baby! This weekend we told Aunts on my side of the family, a couple of really, really close family friends. Today or tomorrow my husband's grandparents are going to receive their talking monkey, that will inform them of their future great grandchild.

Tomorrow is a big day, we're telling all of my husbands close friends from high school, and I'm telling my boss. Yikes!

My mom was so excited this weekend, she kept asking if I had "my bloat belly" yet. The weekends it doesn't pop up as much as at work, I think because on the weekends I'm up and moving a lot more than at work. We went to Old Navy and picked up 2 pairs of work pants and a pair of loungers. I can't tell you what a difference this makes. I know it's early, but I was so, so, so uncomfortable last week (and the week before!) I figure even if I don't fit into these, they'll be good transition pants after I have the baby.

9w even!

Holy Bloat Batman!

OK, so this is the ever-fun stage where I still haven't told the masses and I still have to hide my pregnancy and all of it's symptoms. This has been interesting. I haven't gained tons of weight, but I have gained the infamous bloat.

I realized this yesterday. Every morning is an adventure as to 'what to wear' without looking like a complete goof. I decided to wear a skirt yesterday. I figured that as I wore it through out the day, I could move it up and down to keep it from annoying me. Well, low and behold 4:30 rolls around and I've realized the top of the skirt has now joined forces with my bra band. It's 4 to 5 inches above my belly button. This is the skirt that I bought because it was on sale for $9 and it was a little big on me, but it was worth the price. Before, I used to have to hike that thing up, now, I'm wearing it like a grandpa with suspenders.

Quick note about me: I've got a skin condition: Psoriasis, so if you see red patches, that's what it is. I've had it for over 10 years and I'm used to it. At first I was scared to share pics and now, well, I don't care, I've shared enough info to scare everyone anyway, might as well share this, too!

So, bloat belly present, I decided to take some pictures for you. Here is my belly nice and relaxed, sort of how it was earlier with the skirt:

Here is my belly, with me sucking it in as much as I can... I'm trying really, really hard. I also took a picture this morning, when I woke up 'skinny' (i.e. no bloat) and when I upload that, you'll be amazed by the difference. It's crazy. I'm scared to ask where all that bloat went overnight. At this point, I figure ignorance is bliss!

The reason I didn't get this morning's picture uploaded is because I was messing with my first turkey, ever. I'm hosting a pre-Tday with my fam this weekend. The thing that sucks? The brine solution was not pleasant to my nose. I'm still having the aversion to meat, which is super fun. We'll see if I eat any of my first turkey ever! (Oh, and I'm telling my brother tonight!)

8w4d

The word continues to spread...

So we were able to tell my husband's brother and sister in law the night before last. First of all, we were in a crowded pub. I wore my famous 'monkey' shirt and when I got the OK from my husband, I pulled the sweatshirt I had over it off, and waited... no one (but my father in law, but he knows already) noticed. So finally, I turn to my sister in law and said, do you like my shirt?

She said "Huh, ok"

Then, I asked my brother in law "Do you like my shirt?"

He said "Yep"

"Do you know what it means?"

"Nope"

After a few seconds. My husband chimes in "Are you ready to be an Uncle?"

This was followed by an "OH!" and my sister in law turned to her husband and said "See! I told you so!"

I was confused. So I asked "Did you know?" They didn't, she had just told her husband that we'd be first. He was saying that they'd be first. At the end of the evening, my brother in law said "That just made my whole day!"

I've been having some meat aversions, which is ever so fun. Meat just sounds gross. Eww. So, I've been a bit of a vegatarian the last few days. I'm hosting a pre-Thanksgiving day this weekend, we'll see how that works out, and if I eat any of the turkey I prepare!

8w3d

My Cup Runneth Over

Who knew boobs could grow this fast! I'm quickly out growing the C cup I purchased a few weeks ago. I think I need to shop this weekend for something to harness 'the girls'.

Here's my stats as of today:
Weight - 132.5
Bra - 32C (please don't let me upgrade!)
Waist size pre-pg - 27
Now? eh, I'm too lazy to update (I will next time... I think I'm scared of the result!)
Pant size - currently wearing my 2's and 4's unbuttoned with the bella band. Size 6's fit in the beginning of the day, but by the end of the day are either unbuttoned or swapped for sweatpants.

We've changed our plans, we'll be telling husband's brother and sister-in-law tonight. His parents will be present... it's so fun to tell the 'secret!' My brother will find out this weekend, as will my husband's grandparents and, who am I kidding, the rest of the extended family!

So the word's out!

This weekend, we told our parents. It couldn't have gone any better (with one, comical exception).

So, we arrive at my husband's parents house. I was shaking because I was so excited! We walked in the door with our overnight bags, and briefly said "Hi" to them through the screen door because they were out on the deck. We went to drop our bags off and use the restroom after a very long 2.5 hour drive with a larger than normal uterus pushing on my bladder. When my husband and I met after dropping our bags off, he said "Our mom's are wearing the same shirt!" Since the plan was to go wine tasting, they both wore their 'group therapy' shirts that have a glass of red, champagne and white in crystals. I said "That's perfect, I'll just say "Well I have my wine tasting shirt on, too!"

So, we go out to the deck where they're enjoying the beautiful view, crisp November air and fantastic sun. My mom and dad got iphones this past week, so my dad was playing with it and showing my father-in-law the features of the new gizmo. We did the normal "Hi" hugs. Made some small chit chat until I saw a break in the iphone action. It was at that point that I said:
"Wow! Look at the two of you with the matching shirts! I should probably show you my 'themed' shirt" It was at that point that I pulled off the zip up sweater and took it off. I glanced at our dad's and they were back at the iphone talk again (comical exception). As I looked over at our mom's, I saw a quizzical look on my mother-in-law's face, and a tear fall from my mom's eye as she said:"Really?!?" I responded with: "I wouldn't joke about this"

I looked back at my mother-in-law as she had tears falling from her face. She later said her emotions had processed it before her brain.

So, I turn to the dad's. They're still oohing and ahhing over the gadget. My husband said "Hey, look at her shirt". My dad's response mirrored my mom's "Really?!" as he said that, my father in law said "What does that mean?" I don't remember who, but someone told him. It was at this point that the hugs began, around and around. The mom's went in to start food for lunch and I saw out of the corner of my eye they shared a hug once inside. My dad took a picture of the 3 girls, and it's blurry because he was shaking (he's an amature photographer, and his pictures are NEVER blurry). I can't share that image quite yet because I don't want to 'blow my cover'. A few more weeks and I promise to reveal who I am!

Anyway, the "Grandpa and Grandma" talks began as they discussed what they would like to be called, how happy they were for us (and them!) etc. I'm shocked I didn't cry! We had a great lunch and after, we decided that we would go wine tasting (duh, not me!) and shopping at a little boutique that had baby stuff. We had to pick up our wine shipments from a winery that they actually know my name when I walk in (scary, but true). With the pick up, they were having a huge party as this is the first pickup of this winery's club. My mom agree'd to purchase our shipment from me so I wouldn't drool over the bottles for the next 7 months. Of course, at the winery, they were so excited to announce that I was expecting and I got huge hugs from the staff (remember, we're a little too personal with this winery!).

We then went into the little boutique shop. The hardest part for these grandma's was to find 'gender neutral' items to get for the newest (well, it's not here yet, but it's on it's way!) member of the family. My mom bought 'us' this: http://www.amazon.com/Pregnancy-Journal-Guide-Healthy-Happy/dp/0811811565 along with a little 'monkey' burp cloth. My mother in law bought a little gift set with a stuffed lamb rattle, a little pea pod rattle and another burp cloth, this time in yellow. They're excited for the upcoming months of shopping and planning for the shower!

The rest of the weekend included many, many toasts and me teasing my father in law by asking for a mimosa. My dad laughed at how 'researched' this baby was. My mom asked if there was a registry for babies (to which my mother in law replied "YES!"). There was an awesome sense of joy for the remainder of the weekend.

We'll be telling my husband's brother and sister in law tomorrow night (with his parents) and my brother on Friday night (with my parents). Then, let the calls begin to the family around the country.

:) Thanks for reading!

8w even!

I had a dream...

Not a Martin Luther type dream but a big dream to me none-the-less. We're telling both sets of parents this weekend and in preparation for that, I bought 2 bottles of sparkling apple cider for me to celebrate, while they drink champagne and I drool. One bottle is for when we tell the parents and one for when we tell our siblings.

Anyway, I had a dream last night that we had our parents at a restaurant and we asked the waiter to bring out a bottle of champagne and we would bring the apple cider up from underneath the table cloth when he brought the champagne. We asked that he not bring the champagne out until we make the announcement, at which time we'd give him a 'signal'.

So what does he do? He brings the champagne that 'no one' ordered and tries to grab both bottles of the sparkling apple cider from underneath the table. He looks like a jackass and the entire table is confused as to what he's doing! We, sort of muddled out "we're having a baby" and then I woke up to pee.

Huh, guess I don't get a preview of the 'reveal'. It's probably good, because the whole situation was such a cluster, it didn't come out right and almost made me more nervous for the whole situation. Thank goodness it didn't play out as we already have it planned.

I have a sneaking feeling that as soon as my mom see's me, she'll have a clue. I've gained a couple pounds (I only weighted what I do now in college on the all starch diet provided by the awesome dorm cafeteria and that was many years ago now), and since I haven't seen her since, um, September (ack! I had to look back at the calendar to verify) I'm sure she'll notice the change right away.

Anyway, here's the 'plan'. My parents are going to head to my in-law's (IL's) house on Saturday morning. Normally we'd wake up and head up the mountain (they live in the foothills) early. We're going to attempt to arrive about 20 minutes after my parents arrive. When we walk in, I'll be wearing a sweatshirt and as soon as we drop our bags and I get a nod from DH, I'm going to take the sweatshirt off to show a shirt that says "There's going to be another monkey in our tree!" I'll wait to see who notices it first. Then, when they figure it out, we've got little frames for the latest u/s pic, one for each set of parents. The frames say "I knew I loved you from the moment I first saw you". Then, we'll break out the champagne and sparkling cider. Also, we got a little stuffed monkey (are you detecting a theme?) and we put a little recording in it for my husband's grandparents. The recording tells them that they're going to be great-grandparents in June 2008. We're going to bring that little monkey up with us to show our parents, because we know they'll love it and want to see it before sending it off. After all that fun, we'll follow with wine tasting, and I'll happily drive (duh) and maybe I'll bring my cider along?

So, we're more than excited about telling them. I can't wait for them to know... for someone to know! It's tough keeping this a secret and thinking of all the "what if's" alone.

On another note, I'm a complete slacker. (ha!) I don't have a scanner, and I haven't taken a picture of a picture of the u/s to share with everyone... so, here I am, pressing it up against the screen until I can get it online ;-)

7w, 3d

So I'm throwing this in here early...

My husband's profession is in the computer realm. However, we're having router issues at home, so I'm not sure that I'll be able to pop on tonight and post our newest ultrasound photo.

But, that being said, I will give you a run down of the appointment: it went great. We got to see the little flicker of a heartbeat. It's heartbeat is 161 beats per minute, crazy fast! We have 'blob' pictures to share with our parents this weekend. The NP was pretty funny, she said, well, that's what they look like at this age!

It was pretty scary at first, she kept looking around and around at the ultrasound monitor. It was at least 30 seconds and her spinning the ultrasound head around and around before she said, ah! There it is! Apparently, with the spotting and the early bouts of nausea, she was thinking there was a possibility of twins. Nope! Thank goodness for me! I'd like them one at a time, to be completely honest.

When she dated the pregnancy via ultrasound, she said "7 weeks, 1 day!" Woo Hoo! I was dead on. That's what I've guessed from the beginning. I think because of my short menstrual periods, it actually allowed me to, um 'skip' a week of pregnancy. Fine by me!

Thanks for tuning in, and I'll post a pic as soon as our computer issues are resolved.

7 weeks, 1 day (officially!)

Please let this week go by quickly!

I'm having a love hate relationship with food lately. There are times that I have cravings, and when I satisfy those cravings, I'm in LOVE! Then, when I know I have to eat, but I'm not hungry at all, and I really don't want to eat, I HATE that I have to pick up a cracker (or some other super bland, boring food) and munch away to avoid becoming nauseous.

Every morning, I wake up and think: "What the hell will I fit in today?" This weekend? I wore a skirt. We're having a weird Indian-summer thing going on. Fine by me, stretchy waist = comfortable pregnant woman. I normally wear my clothing pretty fitted, and I've remained the same size for at least 2 years now. So, when we moved back in July, I got rid of all the clothing that didn't look good on me, or that I didn't feel good wearing (read: dumpy, "fat" clothes). Boy, oh boy am I regretting that now! My pants don't button, and if they do, I can't sit down. I've gained just over 3 lbs. which I *think* is about where I should be right now.

My husband and I are so excited! This weekend, we're going to tell his parents, and his grandparents. We can't wait! This morning, he said "I really wish it was the weekend! I'm really, really proud of us! By the end of this week, the secret will have been kept for 4 weeks! Holy Cow! I'm the woman that you don't tell anyone because I'll accidentally tell others. It's been documented, now I'm the last to know everything. Maybe this will redeem me? Maybe?

Tomorrow, we have our next ultrasound. I'm excited, but I can't believe how quickly time has gone by! I don't quite believe that we'll get to see it's little heartbeat tomorrow! We'll take that picture, make some copies for our parents and put it in little frames for them. (Collective "Awww" goes here)

I've had a little more spotting. There's not much, I've determined what causes it and I'm going to ask our NP tomorrow if that's normal or not. There's so little, I'm sure it's nothing, but it's still in the back of my mind.

Oh, and I went and saw this http://www.bodyworlds.com/en.html this weekend. My favorite part? They showed development of an embryo to a fetus and a baby inside a woman's abdomen. It was amazing. If it comes to your area, it's worth a visit. As long as you won't be grossed out!

Today? 7 weeks!

It's official...

I've gone from a 34B to a 34C this week. I went and bought the cheapest bra possible (that fit well) at Target. I spent $11.99. Who knew bras came so cheap? Maybe I've just always been a VS (victoria's secret) girl, but I'm not about to go spend $30-50 bucks a pop for bras in this time period.

I'm also using this opportunity to list the positives at this point. Last night, my very caring husband reminded me that I need to be more positive for our bean. It's hard because I'm positive at work, and, well, when I'm outside the house, but when I come home, I just want to whine. So, I'm turning that frown upside down. Here's my positives right now:

- It's still a secret between us two.
- One week and one day to share with family! (I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to that!)
- I suddenly have quite a rack! (but don't touch!)
- I get to see our little one early next week! (Whoever invented the ultrasound machine is near and dear to my heart!)
- I'm going to go get a bella band this weekend so I can march around work with my pants unbuttoned! (little do they know!)
- It's November! I love fall food and football, and football without baseball! (my husband is a sports nut and *must* watch all games.

Yay, I feel much better. Happy Friday!

I know you want to say hi but...

..this is not the way to do it.

The morning sickness is getting progressively worse and worse, along with my bloat. I made the mistake of wearing a semi-fitted dress yesterday for Halloween (I was an angel, of course!) and after lunch, I grew a bloat bump. The funny thing about the bloat bump: looks like a real bump to co-workers. (I don't think they noticed, I put a sweater on and hid it).

Anyway, so last night, it felt like I had the flu. I ended up falling asleep on the couch shortly after the trick or treaters stopped knocking at my door to wake me up (they were so cute, btw).

Today, I'm not feeling well again. Good news? I know I'm pregnant. Bad news? I went to the restroom and the little bean decided to send me a tiny gift again: bright red spotting (not much, but it's there). Boo.

So my next appointment is Tuesday, today's Thursday. I had a talk with my little bean and asked that it just wave hi to us at the u/s on Tuesday, that'd be great. I'll take the other symptoms, because I know they're caused by hormones but this spotting is totally unnecessary.

6w, 3d

Quick ?

Hey, here's a quick question for all that read...
is everyday posting too much? Please respond via comment. Thanks!

:)

My gender prediction

OK, I have two other friends having babies. I know about theirs (due April and May, just about a month apart). My guess is a boy for the April baby, a girl for the May baby and (drumroll please)...

A boy for our baby. At first, when I would think of our little bean (yankee bean to be more specific), I would imagine it as a boy while I was pregnant and when it's outside as a girl. Weird, I know but that's just what I would day dream about. Now, I have a feeling it's a boy. Don't know why.

I don't really trust the instinct, though. We'll see. When my Mom was pregnant with me, she worked at the VA hospital (read: hospital for vets, which tend to be old men) and she had 5 sonograms (hot, new technology, lemme tell ya!) and apparently the tech's weren't all that great. All 5 sonograms showed me being a boy. I'm pregnant now, so you can see how that poses a problem. I grew up with a Tom Sawyer nursery and I only had one pink dress in my first 3 months of life.

When my mom finally gave birth, he announced "Congratulations, it's a girl!" My dad dropped his jaw and picked up my leg to take a gander for himself. There I was, ALL GIRL. I think I probably had the umbilical cord tied in a knot (maybe a precursor to the knitting?)

So anyway, I know that's what my husband wants. I would take either. I would actually like one of each, he wants two boys. I want him to know what it feels like to be wrapped around our daughter's finger.

In any case, stay tuned! We won't find out until mid to late January. (Yes, I calculated! Remember, I'm a type A!)

:)

6w,2d

so THIS is what pregancy feels like

OK, as I've previously stated: I want to try and stay positive during this whole baby-growing process. On the way to work today, I realized "This is my first pregnancy". I know this is a reoccurring theme, but it's quite weird to realize you're going through something so huge. This is the story I'll be telling our little one as they grow up. (Flash backs of my mother telling me these stories of how her pregnancy with me was great, whereas with my brother wasn't so great).

I can't say it's been a walk in the park, and this is only the beginning. I know that as the days pass by, I'll wake up feeling worse and worse. This morning, I almost started gagging in the shower. I wanted to take a nap at 7:45am. I'm sitting here constipated and nauseous but trying to remind myself that it's all for a great reason.

I can handle it. I still want to tell everyone so I can whine and complain and have someone say "It's ok, you're doing great" But I can't. Next weekend we get to tell our parents. I'm so excited! I can't wait to talk to my mom and mother-in-law about my symptoms. T minus 11 days. Yay! Also, I've got that second appointment on 11/8. We got a few frames for our parents and we're going to put the ultrasound pictures in the frames and give it to them.

So, not feeling great, but staying positive. I try to remind myself that this is better than 'imagining' symptoms while TTC, but at least those symptoms were more mild than this. This, I can't ignore.

6 weeks 1 day

Monkeys and Strollers

OK, so after my mini freak out, I've now come to realize I'm actually pregnant. I have symptoms that come and go with one exception: my boobs. Holy cow, they're getting huge! They itch and it's starting to get uncomfortable to sleep on my belly. I'm hoping to make it through the week before I have to upgrade my bra size!

Anyway, this weekend, I really wanted to go do something 'baby-related'. Because only we know, it makes it difficult to cope with symptoms or ignore someone pouring a glass of wine, or turning down sushi! (I did that this weekend! I had tempura and chicken teryaki but drooled as my husband ate his hamachi....) So, I asked him if we could go to a baby shop. He slowly said yes (a little hesitant, I know he didn't want to go). So we showed up at Bellini in a town close to us. And, we stepped 5 feet in the door, and I was playing with the little monkey stuffed animals, as I turned around... there he was... playing with the mother of all strollers: the bugaboo

The nice sales person came over and asked if she could offer some help. Yes! So she showed us how fantastic and awesome this way overpriced stroller was. The thing that got us both was the cute little bassinet. The thing was so sturdy, easy, light. My huband is officially in love. We bought a few frames as gifts for each of our parents, some preggie pops for my morning sickness (waves of naseaua). And we were off for lunch.

Ever since, my husband's been obsessed! He's been talking about nothing but strollers, comparing them online and discussing how we'll prioritize our future purchases. He laughed and said "I can't believe I'm so excited about monkeys and strollers!" (We're calling our little one our bean or our little monkey right now).

I'm so happy we went shopping. He admitted that initially, he wasn't excited to go look at baby stuff, but after the trip, he's that much more involved. It's nice to have us both 'believing' we made something!

6 weeks pregnant!

I love my NP!

OK. So I went into the appointment yesterday a little freaked out, not too bad. Then, I registered and asked where to go (how would I know?). The woman that registered me happened to remember me from last week, she was the one that announced our pregnancy to the entire first floor building of Kaiser. Anyway, she told me that for this, along with all other prenatal appointments, I would need to "collect a specimine" for the appointment. She told me where to put my paperwork, and go get the specimine.

So, I throw my paperwork in the little box, and go to the bathroom. Why, oh why did they not put a little purse shelf in these bathrooms? I don't put my purses on the ground, let alone on the floor of a public bathroom! And, the handles aren't long enough to go around my neck. Anyway, I tried to "collect my sample" and I suddenly got very, very nervous. I could feel my heart rate go up as I thought: "Holy crap, what am I doing here, why did I even think to call? I'm pregnant!" I still haven't really got that into my head. So, I had, um, stage fright. I don't even think I pee'd half an ounce. Weird.

So I go and sit in the waiting room, look around. Shit. No one else is pregnant, no one else is holding a little brown baggie with Kaiser in the front. I'm still freaking out and worried. My husband is on his way, but not there yet and as I'm calling him the nurse peeks her head out and calls me back. I'm shaking.

Thoughts are rushing through my head as she sat me down and asked how far along I am (here we go again.. no need to describe). My head is swirling with thoughts that maybe I'm not pregnant, maybe I am and something's wrong. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks: I'm freaking out because I don't have anyone to ask "Is this normal"

It makes so much sense! I would normally call and freak out to my mom, she would tell me everything's ok, and we'd be able to talk it out. The nurse wasn't as friendly as I would have liked her to be. She mentioned that she has kids and I thought, "well of course you know what I'm going through, but I don't, and I don't have anyone to talk to!" She took my blood pressure, weight (happily gaining nice and slow) and took me into exam room and left me sitting there while she went to hunt for my husband. It was at this point that the epiphiany I had almost made me cry. I'm suddenly having pregnancy emotions. I'm ok, I'm ok.

My husband comes through the door, and I couldn't be happier. He's such a great support system. I asked him how he was, and he said he'd be much better, except the room is wallpapered in pictures of the female anatomy and pregnant women with their tummys pulled back to see their innerds. He's been so sheltered all his life.

So, my nurse practitioner came through the door. She sized me up right away. We discussed the stupid pregancy wheel, she automatically changed my dates in the computer (wow, she's great!) She told me that with my 'type A' personality (who? ME?!?!?) she understands what I'm going through, explained some symptoms and said "Well, we might as well do an ultrasound" Music to my ears.

She brought the machine in, my poor husband has his initiation to the stirrups (they had knitted booties on them, my NP knits and her favorite color is purple. Things I'm writing down as a reminder to myself.) He was a little iffy on the stirrups, but the nice drape cloth thing helped. Anyway up went the little stick and she found the bean right away. Right where it needed to be. I can't describe what it feels like to look at what's growing inside. The NP then turned the monitor to my husband, and let me tell you, there's nothing more awesome than watching your husband look at something growing inside of you. His face lit up like I've never seen it do before.

We've got it's first picture. And, the best part is that she asked if we wanted to come back in a few weeks to see what looks more like a baby and less like a bean. OMG. I love her. She's making additional appointments just so we can look inside! And, we scheduled it right before we tell our parents so we'll have baby's second picture to show the grandparents, aunt and uncles.

So, after the mini freak out, all is good. I love my NP, she's going to be great.

Positive thoughts...

Yesterday when I got home from work, I noticed tiny bright red spotting. Oy. That. Is. Not. Good. Or, I should just say, that's not what I wanted to see. Spotting during the first trimester is semi-common, and sometimes it's nothing and, well sometimes, it's not good.

That being said. Deep down, I feel like everything is ok. How the hell do I know that? I don't know. This is obviously my first pregnancy, so I don't really know what I'm doing. I haven't been there before, and, since my mom doesn't know, I can't go to her.

So I called the good ol' Kaiser advice line. I spoke with a woman that wasn't very understanding or nice until the end, but I understand. I'm that stupid frantic woman that has a million questions and doesn't know how to describe her symptoms properly:

Nurse: "Have you had any cramping"

"Well, um, some light cramping, but less than what happens during a period. Oh, and I wasn't sure if it was that or gas, because, I've been gassy. So, maybe?"

"OK, so was it on one side or both?"

"Well, um, it started on one side, then would progress to the other side, and, well, I don't really know, I just thought it was normal and tried to ignore it. You know, the cramps were so light I didn't think anything was wrong"

"So have you had cramps or not? Yes or No?"

"Ugh, I don't know. I guess, yes?"

The poor woman. I feel sorry for my husband and all those I come into contact with, as, I'm either indecisive, day dreaming or mean. The overly optimistic, super excitable and happy woman I once was is slowly fading away.

Positive, positive, positive! I'm going to stay positive. Today, I've got an appointment with my NP, and I'm sure she'll check everything out. I might even get an ultrasound, which would be great since I'm still in doubt I've got a little monkey growing inside me. Plus, it may help by reducing the confusion of my cycle and the dreaded 'pregnancy wheel' EDD (estimated delivery date).

Oh, and I forgot to mention my favorite part of the conversation with the Nurse. She went to speak with the Doctor, and he said it sounded like 'implantation bleeding'. Oy Vey! For those that are unaware: implantation bleeding isn't totally common and happens when the fertilized embryo (or is it a zygote at this stage? I don't remember) into the uterine wall. That happens between 7-10 days after ovulation. I know I ovulated on the 1st of October, and here it is the 24th of October that he's telling me this. Stupid pregnancy wheel (that's why he made that assumption).

Anyway, enough rambling for one day... too many details in this silly little post, anyway.

5 weeks 3 days (PW 4 weeks 3 days)

Pregnancy Oddities

I'm going to attempt a number of reoccuring themes in the blog, they include (as of yet): Monthly stats (how fat am I getting?), Pregnancy Positives (the good things) and, this most recent 'made up' category: Pregnancy Oddities.

Here goes the first:

There's nothing like waking up furious at your husband. We don't go to bed angry, I sleep and I wake up pissed! Apparently, pregnancy dreams are supposed to be pretty vivid and real.

Here's the back story. We were planning on how to tell our parents that we're expecting. At first, I wanted to have all the 'grandparents' get together for a picture and instead of yelling "Say Cheese!" we'll say "Say Grandparents!". My husband wasn't a fan of that one. So, when searcing on www.cafepress.com (this will entertain you for HOURS!) I found this shirt that says "There's going to be a new Monkey in our tree". My husband must have repeated that line like 5 times last night before bed. (I think he likes it!)
In case you can't tell, we call our little embryo a monkey. It's our thing.

So, that leads me to my dream. I had a dream that we bought that shirt, along with a little onsie and it arrived. We just happen to run into his parents (I don't know where, they're currently in Hawaii and live 2 hours away from us, so we don't exactally 'run into them') and my fantastic husband just said to his mom "Hey, check this out" and showed her the onesie... WTF!!! She was literally speechless. She didn't say a word and walked around with her mouth open and in shock. He then took the onesie to his dad and showed it to him. He was excited. I was so dissappointed! We've planned to tell our parents together, so I was thinking: "Why do his parents get to know first?"

The dream was so real, I remember during it, wondering if it was true or not.

So I woke up angry. Then, I looked over at my husband, sleeping, and realized it wasn't true. I told him about it... it's official: He thinks I'm nuts. I may be nuts, but I'm growing his little monkey.

:)

5 weeks 2 days (PW: 4 weeks 2 days)

like a beacon of light...

This morning, while getting ready for work, I was trying to figure out which pants best accompanies my ever growing bloat belly (or, at least the one that would appear by the end of the day).

Here's my tip: Wear a nice button up shirt. I have the problem of having wide shoulders and a narrow waist, so I always have to buy my shirts big enough to fit my shoulders (and boobs) then it's baggy at the belly. Well, these 'classic' pieces have come in handy during this past week, and I'd imagine the future few weeks.

Anyway, as I was flipping through the clothes that I'll have to move to the back of the closet this morning, there it was: the beacon of light shining down on my pair of yoga pants with a draw string. It was sitting on my shelf, towards the back of the closet(because who am I kidding, when was the last time I did yoga, or really worked out?). Thank God. It will take me 2 seconds flat to yank the pair of khaki's off that I'm wearing right now and pull up those glorious pants. But that, has to wait until at least 5 pm.

The best part? I totally love the part of the day where I secretly un-button my pants at work. Nothing like walking around, in a professional environment, not fully dressed.

And, I can only imagine, it will only get much, much worse, before it gets better (land of maternity oz).

5 weeks, 1 day (Pregnancy wheel = PW 4 weeks, 1 day)

Not very exciting update...

So, not much has happened. I've had symptoms come and go. I've been trying to wear all of my skinny clothes. We haven't told anyone, and I'm not sleeping well. But that's about it. So, here I sit. Pregnant.

Oh, I guess there is an update. I went to the doctor's, but didn't see the doctor. I met with a clerk, and she went through about 20 forms. I had my blood drawn and I pee'd in a cup. Oh, fun story. We (I brought my husband) walked up to register, and the woman took my card, and yelled "YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BAY-BEE!!!" Wow. Yes, we are. Thank you for announcing it to the hospital, lady. It would have been fine, but since only 5 or so people know we're expecting (3 at the hospital, hub's and I) It's a little weird to have it announced.

I can't wait to tell our parents! They're dragging their feet (who am I kidding, it's not my parents that are dragging their feet, it's my Dad) to move closer, and I know that as soon as we tell them, they'll pack all their stuff up and move within like 3 months. November 10th seems like so far away!

Oh, and my brother thinks he's going to suprise us. He's buying a new car, but won't tell any of us what type it is (cars are big in my family). So he says that we'll have to wait to find out the suprise. Can't wait to tell him our little 'suprise', too!

Why I'm enjoying it in this stage...

So I've heard, pregnancy isn't exactally a walk in the park. That being said, I'm trying to keep my everly optomistic attitude in each and every inch of this pregnancy. I don't want to complain a lot (trust me, I'm a complainer!). So, every now and then (hopefully at least once a month, I'll try to post the "Why I'm enjoying this stage in my pregnancy" notes.

Here's the first:

1. I'm enjoying it right now, because I'm still skinny, I don't have to answer to anyone about when it's due and no one has asked to touch my belly.
2. Morning Sickness hasn't set in (Thank God!)
3. Someone told me "You're so thin" (Yay!)
4. My husband has read his required reading for the pregnancy (see back to the previous post about when I told him). And, since, he's been doing laundry, dishes and general up keep of the home. I, as usual, thank'd him profusly, and moved on. Then, last night he said: "I don't know that I can do it all"

"Um, what? What all are you doing?" I asked

"Well, when you get to the 'I can't' phase, I'll have to take care of the house on my own, and I don't think I can do it"

Aw, he's so cute. I proceeded to tell him that things will go one of two ways: 1) I'll keep helping around the house and we'll get stuff done together or, 2) Things will slip. And, honestly, that's fine. If a baby is coming within a few weeks, I have a feeling people won't turn up their noses at the pile of mail on the coffee table. Oh, and if they do f-em... They don't get to see the baby until at least a week after birth! (Wow, that could be a powerful tool, I'll try to keep it in mind!)

Here's the last reason why I'm enjoying it in this stage:
5) No one knows, STILL! Yay! We've been good! I'm pregnant, and just my husband, the bookstore b!tch and the Kaiser advice nurse know. And, well, to be honest, 2 of the 4 don't really matter. It's fantastic. Although, I spoke with my mom on the phone last weekend, and she just seemed generally bummed. I know that would have cheered her up, but I want to tell her in person! And, my dad's birthday was on Tuesday, that, too would have been a great present. But I made him settle for an alarm clock. Awesome. So, for now, it's our secret. We're going to have a baby! Yay!

My first (and not so exciting) appointment is tomorrow. Even though it's all about pee and blood, I can't wait!

4 weeks and 3 days
(or 3 weeks and 3 days, pregnancy wheel)

Pre-Pregnancy Stats

OK, so I'm using this as a journal for my pregnancy. So, I'm going to update these stats every 4 weeks (or at least that's the goal!)

At 4 weeks:
Height- 5'6" (maybe I won't update this one)
Weight - 130 lbs.
Size: 2/4
Bra size: 34B

It will be really, really interesting to see how this changes!

Um, am I supposed to squeal?

OK, ok. I'm REALLY excited I'm pregnant. I mean it. But, when I called the Kaiser advice line in efforts to find out what to do now? The first person I spoke with said "Will you proceed with the pregnancy?"

I replied "Um, yes. Very much so." in a very calm and collected voice. Afterally, I got my BFP the morning before, shared the news with my husband, and as far as I'm concerned, I was getting down to the 'business' of being pregnant.

She then proceeds to say "Is this your first?!?!"

"Yep"

"OMG! You must be so excited! Congratulations!"

"Thank you. Do I need a blood test to confirm?"

"No those HPT's are very, very reliable. Did you take more than one?"

"Yes, I took a few. All positive"

"How many is a few?"

I lied "I took 4" (I actually took 6. That's right 6 pregnancy tests. 2 in the morning, the freebies, 2 at lunch (more freebies), one target brand "EPT" and one digital. That's a lot of tests, and I didn't want to embarass myself by telling her I didn't believe the first two. Ah, what a great way to start of a pregnancy: by lying to your health care providers.

"Ah, well it sounds like you're pregnant!"
(no shit sherlock)

So I made my first appointment. Apparently it's with a clerk. It's an hour long, and they do a lot of tests. The woman on the phone told me to bring a notebook, as apparently forgetfullness is a symptom of pregnancy. There was a bit of arguing over how far along I am, because according to her handy-dandy calendar wheel, I was only 2 weeks and 5 days pregnant (amount of time from my last period). I told her that due to my short menstral cycles, I am, in fact pregnant (remember that test talk we had a few short moments ago... and she thought I was forgetting things!). She informed me that 'ultrasounds will be imparative in determining the age, as your LMP data is off.

Thanks, lady.

Suddenly, after that conversation with the nurse, I had a flash back to Miranda on sex in the city. She faked her happiness for her health care provider. I'm very, very excited to be pregnant, but I don't feel like I should squeal everytime I tell someone. My DH, yes (actually, I didn't even squeal for him, but I was happy), my parents and my husband's parents, yes. But total strangers.... really? I can't just be calm?

And, let this be the first time I include my progress at the end of my post (I totally stole this idea from another person's blog, btw):

According to www.fertilityfriend.com My due date is June 23, 2008 which would make me currently:
3 weeks, 6 days along.

DH's reaction

So, I called DH when I was on my way home from work. He said I woke him up because he had a really bad headache, so he was napping. So, I went home, PIAC, got the positive that I needed from something other than the *almost* expired tests and I proceeded in to our room to tell him I needed to wake him up for a sec.

He was a little grouchy... "WHY?"

"Well, I needed to give you this" as I handed over a super cheesy musical card

"What's this for?"

"Open it! Silly!"

The front of the card said "You did it!" he said "What did I do?" (ha) He opened it, and said, "REALLY? really?!?!? OMG, that just made my whole day! I can't believe it!"

He proceeded to open the rest of the 'gift' which included the book "My boys can swim" book and a little 49ers onesie, booties and beanie. He was so enamored with the booties: "they're so tiny!" (I could only find a 3-6 months set, so I told him that they start out A LOT smaller than that!)

So, I showed him that test that I brought home... I said, I know it's faint, but they say a line is a line, so... look"
He said he clearly saw the line. Little did I know at that time, he thought the control line was the one I was talking about. Whe I later said, no, it's the second line, he was like, well, I'm glad you took that other one, because this one looks fake.

But, wait a second, I'm getting ahead of myself. So, he was super excited! We were gushy for a good while before we got up and moved around. Oh, and in the 'gushy' part, I took a digital and dipped it in the PIAC from the test before. It didn't take long to come up "Pregnant". Here's a pic of my DH and his excitement (along with the test).

His headache persisted, but the good news gave him a better outlook on the day.

BFP!

Ok, ok... I took a test, and there was barely a line. I mean I had to lean in just the right light and look sideways at it, and I had a line. Crazy. Then, I took two more tests on my lunch break, and darker lines.

I'm pregnant. Wow.

I haven't told my husband yet, as I wanted to get him a little 49ers jumper, and show him something so he would believe me. Let me tell you: the tests this morning wouldn't have flown. No way. He would have thought I was crazy.

So, my lunch included me running around like a nut to purchase the following:
49ers infant set: includes onesie, booties and a little hat
"My Boys Can Swim" by Ian Davis
and a singing card saying You did it! and it sings "whoop there it is" Super cheesy, I can already see my husband's eyes rolling!

That being said. I think he knows. He kept patting my belly the last few days. And I've had some weird symptoms which don't coorespond with my period.

I. Still. Can't. Believe. It.

I don't think I'm pregnant

And that's a bummer.

My chart isn't looking good, and I just don't feel like it's going to be this cycle. I feel like if I get it out there, it's going to hurt a little less. We'll see.

ok, time for a new post

So, I'm sitting here, at 8DPO, and I have a bunch of tests at home. 7 to be exact. And, here's the kicker... they have to be used by 11/07. That's when they expire. Fun for me. I get to pee in a cup and use a little dropper to dispense 3 drops into the the little circle thing and wait my 3-5 minutes.

Am I pregnant? I don't know. My boobs hurt. That's new. I had cramping, but that's gone. It's still too early to tell. This is pure torture. Sitting. Waiting.

I think it'd be better if work would distract me. But it's not. It's been super slow. My 'supervisor' is also supposed to be my 'partner' and he's trying to take on more of a 'supervisor' role. That means he's taking a large majority of my duties, and trying to get me to back off on the rest of my duties. And, at this point, I'm supposed to play along. Bullshit. So, I'm sitting here, blogging at work. Blogging and 'nesting'. That's that baby website I spoke of before. Oh, and of course! I'm waiting.

My period is due sometime between Saturday and Monday. I'll be testing every day up until then. Ah, back to the tests. I've got 7. I had 25 back in June, when we had our 'oops'. I used 13 since then, apparently. If I count right, that's 4 cycles... 1 test was blown because I opened the package, looked down, and AF (my period) had begun. That bitch. Anyway... They all expire next month. Does that mean I get to use them in November or not? Hmmmm, hopefully I won't have to find out!

Not so calm now...

Why, oh why, is my body messing with me? After last cycle, I was sure I was going to pin point ovulation, or at least be prepared to 'go at it' before O. I was armed with temping and OPK's. I knew there was no way we could miss. Well, if my temp is still up tomorrow, it looks like I might have O'd on Monday. Which is only 8 days into the cycle. I didn't finish my period until Friday, so that gave me 2 days to go at it. And I didn't think I'd have to do that at least until later on this week.

This. Sucks.

I guess there is a bit of a silver lining: if we missed it, we should be on another cycle in a few short weeks. I'm still doing OPK's, just to see if my temps have been wonky (yes, that's a word to me) due to lack of sleep. Thanks to PG&E, the power went out over night Monday night. My FIL stayed with us on Monday night, and he was up trying to help my husband and I make the house alarm shut up. We finally figured it out, after 20 minutes. Took some time to go back to sleep.

All in all, this is frustrating. I feel like the only way we have a chance is if we have sex every day. I don't have the endurance for that! And, for whatever reason, every time I'm *near* O'ing, family comes to town and stays with us. Not so conducive to baby making. Well, of course there will be updates to follow.

Today, I'm calm.

I can't believe how my mood changes. I go 0 to frantic 'un-pregnant' woman in as little as 4 seconds flat. But today, today, I'm calm. If it happens, great, that's our goal. If it doesn't, ok, we've got time. Weird. I think what really has allowed me to calm down, at least for today, is that we got word about a puppy.

Now, let me tell you abou the puppy. My husband and I have been together for nine and a half years. That, my friends, is a long time. It's amazing to write that. I really look back on it as though we met and married yesterday. But that's not what this blog is about. When we first started dating, we would take his parents dog for a walk, every afternoon, for just under 2-ish years. In the beginning walks, we discussed marriage, children and, dogs. We laid out plans for our 'future life'. In fact, we still do that. I'm sure this is normal (at least that's what I tell myself), and I enjoy it. In any case, we discussed our dog breed choices. It's been the same for those 9.5 years: we wanted a great dane. We moved into a (rented) house, and made sure we could have dogs in this house, to allow us a small piece of our 'future life'. We wanted to turn it into our 'present life'.


Well, we got word. After about 6 months of searching, the breeder that we've chosen has sent us an email stating that the dog has come into heat, and they're waiting on her progesterone levels to come up signaling she's ovulating. When my husband told me this... I yelled "THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING!" It's actually pretty funny. I think the dog might have a better shot at getting pregnant before I do. And I'm ok with that. If all goes well, the pups will be born in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and they won't be able to come home with us until 12 weeks. This is late for puppies, but I trust this breeder, and I know that it's the best thing for the puppy. I'm excited to go for walks with the dog, pregnant, and with child. (Obviously, I'm not going to walk the dog and the baby at the same time without my hubster with me).

In any case, calm, quiet, and collected. Life is coming together. We're living our 'future life'. I love my husband so dearly, and it's amazing to see so many things unfold. I know our life is going to change drastically, but I'm looking forward to it. I'm sure there are many people out there that wouldn't advise us getting a puppy within a year of us having a child, but this works for us. I can't wait, I'm so excited to add the 2 new additions to our family. Ah, THAT word, family, makes my heart flutter.

I'm off to enjoy my calm Sunday. At least while it lasts. :)

The highs and lows

There are highs and lows of ttc. On one hand, we're carefree, on the other hand, it's a lot of work. Ok, ok, I'm making it a lot of work. But that's my personality. That's how I operate. I throw myself towards anything I'm involved in. It can be reading, or knitting, or well, ttc.

So the Highs: Yay! We've made a big step! I can't wait to be a mommy, I can't wait to have a big pregnant belly, and pat it, and have my husband feel for movement, and prepare for the baby, for our family. Family, instead of just a relationship. It's weird, happy weird... not odd weird. I'm in love with all that that entails.

More Highs (that we're not expecting yet): I still love food! I can eat sushi and drink wine! I get to enjoy really bad for me food while watching football. I really don't eat all that poorly, but just the fact that I can eat poorly makes me happy.

The Lows: Wow, we didn't get pregnant on the 'oops' cycle, and the two cycles after that we weren't trying, but we had unprotected sex because we thought of trying (THAT, my friends, is another story, for another post). Then, our first official cycle TTC, we, um didn't "C". So, we're officially on cycle #2 TTC, and I'm nervous that maybe things won't work out. I've let this consume me. Every cycle I look at the future estimated delivery date, and I dream of that time of the year, and the baby's birth sign, and how and when I'll tell my family and friends. Then, when it doesn't work out, I look at the next cycle's positives. There's a lot of lows.

I tend to run hot and cold. Some days I can't wait to be pregnant, then, other days, I figure "eh, next cycle". It really, really messes with your head.

Yesterday, a co-worker said "Even on a cloudy day, the sun is shining above. There's always a silver lining." Holy crap. I'm a half empty kinda girl, but maybe this baby business has turned me into a pessimist?

No one knows...

We haven't told anyone. No one. I don't keep secrets, I can't keep secrets. And, somehow, I'm holding this one, this secret. It's locked in our bedroom. I intentionally go out shopping and wander through the baby sections, armed with this line: "A friend of mine is having a baby! I can't wait!" (This line may be changed to "My co-worker is having a baby! I can't wait!" depending on the person I'm speaking to).

I actually like that we've got this secret. I enjoy keeping it between my husband and I. It also scares me whenever someone starts to talk about having children, and when we have ours, and our life goals. I'm afraid that when that stuff comes up, I look something like this:

I feel like everyone knows. But how silly is that? We've been parading through life telling everyone that "We aren't going to have kids until we own a home". Now, I don't know about you, but in Northern California, you better have at least $60,000 to own a home. And, although it's technically possible, it's more likely improbable for a young couple, in their late 20's to have $60k cash for a down payment without some form of monetary support from mommy and daddy dearest. Of which we don't have. That's fine with me, but what will they say when we actually conceive? I'm hoping that it will be pure excitement, shock and maybe one or more people will be tackled. Yes, that's what I'm hoping for. That, and maybe some tears. I'll cry, well, because I cry at the drop of a hat, but I hope others cry too.

Even still, this dream is a long ways away. The earliest we could tell anyone, would be November 10th. That is, of course, if we get pregnant this cycle. Yes, every cycle, I plan when I'd be able to tell both sets of parents, in person, at the same time. This. Is. Difficult. As both sets of parents live far, far away from each other. About a 12 hours drive. So, the weekend of November 10th, I truly hope that we can tell them. And, if not then, um, well I won't plan for that now.

Phantom Sypmtoms

Why, oh why, when you're trying to conceive (TTC), you notice all these little things going on with your body, but can't possibly be in relation to a pregnancy? I say that, because, I'm toward the end of my period, and yet, I'm bloated. It's not uncomfortable, but I've noticed it. There's no way I'm pregnant, because I haven't had sex this cycle.

This is only the beginning. As I get towards the end of my cycle, I really start to over analyze all symptoms as though they're pregnancy symptoms. TTC plays mean, evil tricks on you. How did I ever go through life cycle after cycle without noticing that I get boated a large number of days out of the month, that I get emotional and irrational, that I have small cramps all the time and that my bleeding gums only occur during my period? Maybe I just thought this stuff was normal day to day business, and that it just happens every now and then, but now that we're trying, I'm supposed to pay attention to all these little signs and symptoms in order to ensure I'm ovulating, or that my period is staying away.

This is going to be a long road ahead.

My attempt at a blog

This is more like a little journal to myself, and my future baby. Yes, future baby. Currently, my husband and I are trying for a child. No one knows. No one, except, well my little online group of women that are also trying for babies. The nest baby. Thank goodness for the women there.

They fuel my obsession, answer my questions, curse out my period and cheer for baby steps toward pregnancy. It's a fantastic outlet, as I hope this will be. They know the nuances of my cycle, when I'm ovulating, what type of cervical fluid I have (yum) when I'm expecting the cursed Aunt Flo (AF) and when I take a pregnancy test. My husband doesn't have the insight to my cycle they do.

This has been an interesting experience thus far. We had a potential Oops! a few months ago, and we were relieved to finally have AF show up. But, before she showed, we both tried to mentally and emotionally prepare ourselves for parenthood, in case she didn't show. Then, the baby fever began. We had a few long talks, and we realized this is really great timing for us. We're still young, we've been married for over 2 years, and we're financially in a good place to take this on.

We weren't totally positive during the cycle after the potential oops, but started the cycle after that. Then, my body decided to rebel. Short, short cycle. 21 days! Yikes! So, now we're on cycle #2. It's really, really hard not to become obsessed. Normally, when I want something, I want it NOW, and, for the most part, I can achieve it now. This, no. This is not so easy. It's actually not easy to become pregnant. Who knew? Cycle #2, I'm in for a long road ahead. Average couples take about 6 months to become pregnant. Huh. I'm on #2. Keep those fingers crossed that we're the 'lucky' ones that become pregnant sooner!