Friday, September 28, 2007

The highs and lows

There are highs and lows of ttc. On one hand, we're carefree, on the other hand, it's a lot of work. Ok, ok, I'm making it a lot of work. But that's my personality. That's how I operate. I throw myself towards anything I'm involved in. It can be reading, or knitting, or well, ttc.

So the Highs: Yay! We've made a big step! I can't wait to be a mommy, I can't wait to have a big pregnant belly, and pat it, and have my husband feel for movement, and prepare for the baby, for our family. Family, instead of just a relationship. It's weird, happy weird... not odd weird. I'm in love with all that that entails.

More Highs (that we're not expecting yet): I still love food! I can eat sushi and drink wine! I get to enjoy really bad for me food while watching football. I really don't eat all that poorly, but just the fact that I can eat poorly makes me happy.

The Lows: Wow, we didn't get pregnant on the 'oops' cycle, and the two cycles after that we weren't trying, but we had unprotected sex because we thought of trying (THAT, my friends, is another story, for another post). Then, our first official cycle TTC, we, um didn't "C". So, we're officially on cycle #2 TTC, and I'm nervous that maybe things won't work out. I've let this consume me. Every cycle I look at the future estimated delivery date, and I dream of that time of the year, and the baby's birth sign, and how and when I'll tell my family and friends. Then, when it doesn't work out, I look at the next cycle's positives. There's a lot of lows.

I tend to run hot and cold. Some days I can't wait to be pregnant, then, other days, I figure "eh, next cycle". It really, really messes with your head.

Yesterday, a co-worker said "Even on a cloudy day, the sun is shining above. There's always a silver lining." Holy crap. I'm a half empty kinda girl, but maybe this baby business has turned me into a pessimist?

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