Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Quick ?

Hey, here's a quick question for all that read...
is everyday posting too much? Please respond via comment. Thanks!


My gender prediction

OK, I have two other friends having babies. I know about theirs (due April and May, just about a month apart). My guess is a boy for the April baby, a girl for the May baby and (drumroll please)...

A boy for our baby. At first, when I would think of our little bean (yankee bean to be more specific), I would imagine it as a boy while I was pregnant and when it's outside as a girl. Weird, I know but that's just what I would day dream about. Now, I have a feeling it's a boy. Don't know why.

I don't really trust the instinct, though. We'll see. When my Mom was pregnant with me, she worked at the VA hospital (read: hospital for vets, which tend to be old men) and she had 5 sonograms (hot, new technology, lemme tell ya!) and apparently the tech's weren't all that great. All 5 sonograms showed me being a boy. I'm pregnant now, so you can see how that poses a problem. I grew up with a Tom Sawyer nursery and I only had one pink dress in my first 3 months of life.

When my mom finally gave birth, he announced "Congratulations, it's a girl!" My dad dropped his jaw and picked up my leg to take a gander for himself. There I was, ALL GIRL. I think I probably had the umbilical cord tied in a knot (maybe a precursor to the knitting?)

So anyway, I know that's what my husband wants. I would take either. I would actually like one of each, he wants two boys. I want him to know what it feels like to be wrapped around our daughter's finger.

In any case, stay tuned! We won't find out until mid to late January. (Yes, I calculated! Remember, I'm a type A!)



Tuesday, October 30, 2007

so THIS is what pregancy feels like

OK, as I've previously stated: I want to try and stay positive during this whole baby-growing process. On the way to work today, I realized "This is my first pregnancy". I know this is a reoccurring theme, but it's quite weird to realize you're going through something so huge. This is the story I'll be telling our little one as they grow up. (Flash backs of my mother telling me these stories of how her pregnancy with me was great, whereas with my brother wasn't so great).

I can't say it's been a walk in the park, and this is only the beginning. I know that as the days pass by, I'll wake up feeling worse and worse. This morning, I almost started gagging in the shower. I wanted to take a nap at 7:45am. I'm sitting here constipated and nauseous but trying to remind myself that it's all for a great reason.

I can handle it. I still want to tell everyone so I can whine and complain and have someone say "It's ok, you're doing great" But I can't. Next weekend we get to tell our parents. I'm so excited! I can't wait to talk to my mom and mother-in-law about my symptoms. T minus 11 days. Yay! Also, I've got that second appointment on 11/8. We got a few frames for our parents and we're going to put the ultrasound pictures in the frames and give it to them.

So, not feeling great, but staying positive. I try to remind myself that this is better than 'imagining' symptoms while TTC, but at least those symptoms were more mild than this. This, I can't ignore.

6 weeks 1 day

Monday, October 29, 2007

Monkeys and Strollers

OK, so after my mini freak out, I've now come to realize I'm actually pregnant. I have symptoms that come and go with one exception: my boobs. Holy cow, they're getting huge! They itch and it's starting to get uncomfortable to sleep on my belly. I'm hoping to make it through the week before I have to upgrade my bra size!

Anyway, this weekend, I really wanted to go do something 'baby-related'. Because only we know, it makes it difficult to cope with symptoms or ignore someone pouring a glass of wine, or turning down sushi! (I did that this weekend! I had tempura and chicken teryaki but drooled as my husband ate his hamachi....) So, I asked him if we could go to a baby shop. He slowly said yes (a little hesitant, I know he didn't want to go). So we showed up at Bellini in a town close to us. And, we stepped 5 feet in the door, and I was playing with the little monkey stuffed animals, as I turned around... there he was... playing with the mother of all strollers: the bugaboo

The nice sales person came over and asked if she could offer some help. Yes! So she showed us how fantastic and awesome this way overpriced stroller was. The thing that got us both was the cute little bassinet. The thing was so sturdy, easy, light. My huband is officially in love. We bought a few frames as gifts for each of our parents, some preggie pops for my morning sickness (waves of naseaua). And we were off for lunch.

Ever since, my husband's been obsessed! He's been talking about nothing but strollers, comparing them online and discussing how we'll prioritize our future purchases. He laughed and said "I can't believe I'm so excited about monkeys and strollers!" (We're calling our little one our bean or our little monkey right now).

I'm so happy we went shopping. He admitted that initially, he wasn't excited to go look at baby stuff, but after the trip, he's that much more involved. It's nice to have us both 'believing' we made something!

6 weeks pregnant!

Friday, October 26, 2007

I love my NP!

OK. So I went into the appointment yesterday a little freaked out, not too bad. Then, I registered and asked where to go (how would I know?). The woman that registered me happened to remember me from last week, she was the one that announced our pregnancy to the entire first floor building of Kaiser. Anyway, she told me that for this, along with all other prenatal appointments, I would need to "collect a specimine" for the appointment. She told me where to put my paperwork, and go get the specimine.

So, I throw my paperwork in the little box, and go to the bathroom. Why, oh why did they not put a little purse shelf in these bathrooms? I don't put my purses on the ground, let alone on the floor of a public bathroom! And, the handles aren't long enough to go around my neck. Anyway, I tried to "collect my sample" and I suddenly got very, very nervous. I could feel my heart rate go up as I thought: "Holy crap, what am I doing here, why did I even think to call? I'm pregnant!" I still haven't really got that into my head. So, I had, um, stage fright. I don't even think I pee'd half an ounce. Weird.

So I go and sit in the waiting room, look around. Shit. No one else is pregnant, no one else is holding a little brown baggie with Kaiser in the front. I'm still freaking out and worried. My husband is on his way, but not there yet and as I'm calling him the nurse peeks her head out and calls me back. I'm shaking.

Thoughts are rushing through my head as she sat me down and asked how far along I am (here we go again.. no need to describe). My head is swirling with thoughts that maybe I'm not pregnant, maybe I am and something's wrong. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks: I'm freaking out because I don't have anyone to ask "Is this normal"

It makes so much sense! I would normally call and freak out to my mom, she would tell me everything's ok, and we'd be able to talk it out. The nurse wasn't as friendly as I would have liked her to be. She mentioned that she has kids and I thought, "well of course you know what I'm going through, but I don't, and I don't have anyone to talk to!" She took my blood pressure, weight (happily gaining nice and slow) and took me into exam room and left me sitting there while she went to hunt for my husband. It was at this point that the epiphiany I had almost made me cry. I'm suddenly having pregnancy emotions. I'm ok, I'm ok.

My husband comes through the door, and I couldn't be happier. He's such a great support system. I asked him how he was, and he said he'd be much better, except the room is wallpapered in pictures of the female anatomy and pregnant women with their tummys pulled back to see their innerds. He's been so sheltered all his life.

So, my nurse practitioner came through the door. She sized me up right away. We discussed the stupid pregancy wheel, she automatically changed my dates in the computer (wow, she's great!) She told me that with my 'type A' personality (who? ME?!?!?) she understands what I'm going through, explained some symptoms and said "Well, we might as well do an ultrasound" Music to my ears.

She brought the machine in, my poor husband has his initiation to the stirrups (they had knitted booties on them, my NP knits and her favorite color is purple. Things I'm writing down as a reminder to myself.) He was a little iffy on the stirrups, but the nice drape cloth thing helped. Anyway up went the little stick and she found the bean right away. Right where it needed to be. I can't describe what it feels like to look at what's growing inside. The NP then turned the monitor to my husband, and let me tell you, there's nothing more awesome than watching your husband look at something growing inside of you. His face lit up like I've never seen it do before.

We've got it's first picture. And, the best part is that she asked if we wanted to come back in a few weeks to see what looks more like a baby and less like a bean. OMG. I love her. She's making additional appointments just so we can look inside! And, we scheduled it right before we tell our parents so we'll have baby's second picture to show the grandparents, aunt and uncles.

So, after the mini freak out, all is good. I love my NP, she's going to be great.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Positive thoughts...

Yesterday when I got home from work, I noticed tiny bright red spotting. Oy. That. Is. Not. Good. Or, I should just say, that's not what I wanted to see. Spotting during the first trimester is semi-common, and sometimes it's nothing and, well sometimes, it's not good.

That being said. Deep down, I feel like everything is ok. How the hell do I know that? I don't know. This is obviously my first pregnancy, so I don't really know what I'm doing. I haven't been there before, and, since my mom doesn't know, I can't go to her.

So I called the good ol' Kaiser advice line. I spoke with a woman that wasn't very understanding or nice until the end, but I understand. I'm that stupid frantic woman that has a million questions and doesn't know how to describe her symptoms properly:

Nurse: "Have you had any cramping"

"Well, um, some light cramping, but less than what happens during a period. Oh, and I wasn't sure if it was that or gas, because, I've been gassy. So, maybe?"

"OK, so was it on one side or both?"

"Well, um, it started on one side, then would progress to the other side, and, well, I don't really know, I just thought it was normal and tried to ignore it. You know, the cramps were so light I didn't think anything was wrong"

"So have you had cramps or not? Yes or No?"

"Ugh, I don't know. I guess, yes?"

The poor woman. I feel sorry for my husband and all those I come into contact with, as, I'm either indecisive, day dreaming or mean. The overly optimistic, super excitable and happy woman I once was is slowly fading away.

Positive, positive, positive! I'm going to stay positive. Today, I've got an appointment with my NP, and I'm sure she'll check everything out. I might even get an ultrasound, which would be great since I'm still in doubt I've got a little monkey growing inside me. Plus, it may help by reducing the confusion of my cycle and the dreaded 'pregnancy wheel' EDD (estimated delivery date).

Oh, and I forgot to mention my favorite part of the conversation with the Nurse. She went to speak with the Doctor, and he said it sounded like 'implantation bleeding'. Oy Vey! For those that are unaware: implantation bleeding isn't totally common and happens when the fertilized embryo (or is it a zygote at this stage? I don't remember) into the uterine wall. That happens between 7-10 days after ovulation. I know I ovulated on the 1st of October, and here it is the 24th of October that he's telling me this. Stupid pregnancy wheel (that's why he made that assumption).

Anyway, enough rambling for one day... too many details in this silly little post, anyway.

5 weeks 3 days (PW 4 weeks 3 days)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Pregnancy Oddities

I'm going to attempt a number of reoccuring themes in the blog, they include (as of yet): Monthly stats (how fat am I getting?), Pregnancy Positives (the good things) and, this most recent 'made up' category: Pregnancy Oddities.

Here goes the first:

There's nothing like waking up furious at your husband. We don't go to bed angry, I sleep and I wake up pissed! Apparently, pregnancy dreams are supposed to be pretty vivid and real.

Here's the back story. We were planning on how to tell our parents that we're expecting. At first, I wanted to have all the 'grandparents' get together for a picture and instead of yelling "Say Cheese!" we'll say "Say Grandparents!". My husband wasn't a fan of that one. So, when searcing on (this will entertain you for HOURS!) I found this shirt that says "There's going to be a new Monkey in our tree". My husband must have repeated that line like 5 times last night before bed. (I think he likes it!)
In case you can't tell, we call our little embryo a monkey. It's our thing.

So, that leads me to my dream. I had a dream that we bought that shirt, along with a little onsie and it arrived. We just happen to run into his parents (I don't know where, they're currently in Hawaii and live 2 hours away from us, so we don't exactally 'run into them') and my fantastic husband just said to his mom "Hey, check this out" and showed her the onesie... WTF!!! She was literally speechless. She didn't say a word and walked around with her mouth open and in shock. He then took the onesie to his dad and showed it to him. He was excited. I was so dissappointed! We've planned to tell our parents together, so I was thinking: "Why do his parents get to know first?"

The dream was so real, I remember during it, wondering if it was true or not.

So I woke up angry. Then, I looked over at my husband, sleeping, and realized it wasn't true. I told him about it... it's official: He thinks I'm nuts. I may be nuts, but I'm growing his little monkey.


5 weeks 2 days (PW: 4 weeks 2 days)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

like a beacon of light...

This morning, while getting ready for work, I was trying to figure out which pants best accompanies my ever growing bloat belly (or, at least the one that would appear by the end of the day).

Here's my tip: Wear a nice button up shirt. I have the problem of having wide shoulders and a narrow waist, so I always have to buy my shirts big enough to fit my shoulders (and boobs) then it's baggy at the belly. Well, these 'classic' pieces have come in handy during this past week, and I'd imagine the future few weeks.

Anyway, as I was flipping through the clothes that I'll have to move to the back of the closet this morning, there it was: the beacon of light shining down on my pair of yoga pants with a draw string. It was sitting on my shelf, towards the back of the closet(because who am I kidding, when was the last time I did yoga, or really worked out?). Thank God. It will take me 2 seconds flat to yank the pair of khaki's off that I'm wearing right now and pull up those glorious pants. But that, has to wait until at least 5 pm.

The best part? I totally love the part of the day where I secretly un-button my pants at work. Nothing like walking around, in a professional environment, not fully dressed.

And, I can only imagine, it will only get much, much worse, before it gets better (land of maternity oz).

5 weeks, 1 day (Pregnancy wheel = PW 4 weeks, 1 day)

Monday, October 22, 2007

Not very exciting update...

So, not much has happened. I've had symptoms come and go. I've been trying to wear all of my skinny clothes. We haven't told anyone, and I'm not sleeping well. But that's about it. So, here I sit. Pregnant.

Oh, I guess there is an update. I went to the doctor's, but didn't see the doctor. I met with a clerk, and she went through about 20 forms. I had my blood drawn and I pee'd in a cup. Oh, fun story. We (I brought my husband) walked up to register, and the woman took my card, and yelled "YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BAY-BEE!!!" Wow. Yes, we are. Thank you for announcing it to the hospital, lady. It would have been fine, but since only 5 or so people know we're expecting (3 at the hospital, hub's and I) It's a little weird to have it announced.

I can't wait to tell our parents! They're dragging their feet (who am I kidding, it's not my parents that are dragging their feet, it's my Dad) to move closer, and I know that as soon as we tell them, they'll pack all their stuff up and move within like 3 months. November 10th seems like so far away!

Oh, and my brother thinks he's going to suprise us. He's buying a new car, but won't tell any of us what type it is (cars are big in my family). So he says that we'll have to wait to find out the suprise. Can't wait to tell him our little 'suprise', too!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Why I'm enjoying it in this stage...

So I've heard, pregnancy isn't exactally a walk in the park. That being said, I'm trying to keep my everly optomistic attitude in each and every inch of this pregnancy. I don't want to complain a lot (trust me, I'm a complainer!). So, every now and then (hopefully at least once a month, I'll try to post the "Why I'm enjoying this stage in my pregnancy" notes.

Here's the first:

1. I'm enjoying it right now, because I'm still skinny, I don't have to answer to anyone about when it's due and no one has asked to touch my belly.
2. Morning Sickness hasn't set in (Thank God!)
3. Someone told me "You're so thin" (Yay!)
4. My husband has read his required reading for the pregnancy (see back to the previous post about when I told him). And, since, he's been doing laundry, dishes and general up keep of the home. I, as usual, thank'd him profusly, and moved on. Then, last night he said: "I don't know that I can do it all"

"Um, what? What all are you doing?" I asked

"Well, when you get to the 'I can't' phase, I'll have to take care of the house on my own, and I don't think I can do it"

Aw, he's so cute. I proceeded to tell him that things will go one of two ways: 1) I'll keep helping around the house and we'll get stuff done together or, 2) Things will slip. And, honestly, that's fine. If a baby is coming within a few weeks, I have a feeling people won't turn up their noses at the pile of mail on the coffee table. Oh, and if they do f-em... They don't get to see the baby until at least a week after birth! (Wow, that could be a powerful tool, I'll try to keep it in mind!)

Here's the last reason why I'm enjoying it in this stage:
5) No one knows, STILL! Yay! We've been good! I'm pregnant, and just my husband, the bookstore b!tch and the Kaiser advice nurse know. And, well, to be honest, 2 of the 4 don't really matter. It's fantastic. Although, I spoke with my mom on the phone last weekend, and she just seemed generally bummed. I know that would have cheered her up, but I want to tell her in person! And, my dad's birthday was on Tuesday, that, too would have been a great present. But I made him settle for an alarm clock. Awesome. So, for now, it's our secret. We're going to have a baby! Yay!

My first (and not so exciting) appointment is tomorrow. Even though it's all about pee and blood, I can't wait!

4 weeks and 3 days
(or 3 weeks and 3 days, pregnancy wheel)

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Pre-Pregnancy Stats

OK, so I'm using this as a journal for my pregnancy. So, I'm going to update these stats every 4 weeks (or at least that's the goal!)

At 4 weeks:
Height- 5'6" (maybe I won't update this one)
Weight - 130 lbs.
Size: 2/4
Bra size: 34B

It will be really, really interesting to see how this changes!

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Um, am I supposed to squeal?

OK, ok. I'm REALLY excited I'm pregnant. I mean it. But, when I called the Kaiser advice line in efforts to find out what to do now? The first person I spoke with said "Will you proceed with the pregnancy?"

I replied "Um, yes. Very much so." in a very calm and collected voice. Afterally, I got my BFP the morning before, shared the news with my husband, and as far as I'm concerned, I was getting down to the 'business' of being pregnant.

She then proceeds to say "Is this your first?!?!"


"OMG! You must be so excited! Congratulations!"

"Thank you. Do I need a blood test to confirm?"

"No those HPT's are very, very reliable. Did you take more than one?"

"Yes, I took a few. All positive"

"How many is a few?"

I lied "I took 4" (I actually took 6. That's right 6 pregnancy tests. 2 in the morning, the freebies, 2 at lunch (more freebies), one target brand "EPT" and one digital. That's a lot of tests, and I didn't want to embarass myself by telling her I didn't believe the first two. Ah, what a great way to start of a pregnancy: by lying to your health care providers.

"Ah, well it sounds like you're pregnant!"
(no shit sherlock)

So I made my first appointment. Apparently it's with a clerk. It's an hour long, and they do a lot of tests. The woman on the phone told me to bring a notebook, as apparently forgetfullness is a symptom of pregnancy. There was a bit of arguing over how far along I am, because according to her handy-dandy calendar wheel, I was only 2 weeks and 5 days pregnant (amount of time from my last period). I told her that due to my short menstral cycles, I am, in fact pregnant (remember that test talk we had a few short moments ago... and she thought I was forgetting things!). She informed me that 'ultrasounds will be imparative in determining the age, as your LMP data is off.

Thanks, lady.

Suddenly, after that conversation with the nurse, I had a flash back to Miranda on sex in the city. She faked her happiness for her health care provider. I'm very, very excited to be pregnant, but I don't feel like I should squeal everytime I tell someone. My DH, yes (actually, I didn't even squeal for him, but I was happy), my parents and my husband's parents, yes. But total strangers.... really? I can't just be calm?

And, let this be the first time I include my progress at the end of my post (I totally stole this idea from another person's blog, btw):

According to My due date is June 23, 2008 which would make me currently:
3 weeks, 6 days along.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

DH's reaction

So, I called DH when I was on my way home from work. He said I woke him up because he had a really bad headache, so he was napping. So, I went home, PIAC, got the positive that I needed from something other than the *almost* expired tests and I proceeded in to our room to tell him I needed to wake him up for a sec.

He was a little grouchy... "WHY?"

"Well, I needed to give you this" as I handed over a super cheesy musical card

"What's this for?"

"Open it! Silly!"

The front of the card said "You did it!" he said "What did I do?" (ha) He opened it, and said, "REALLY? really?!?!? OMG, that just made my whole day! I can't believe it!"

He proceeded to open the rest of the 'gift' which included the book "My boys can swim" book and a little 49ers onesie, booties and beanie. He was so enamored with the booties: "they're so tiny!" (I could only find a 3-6 months set, so I told him that they start out A LOT smaller than that!)

So, I showed him that test that I brought home... I said, I know it's faint, but they say a line is a line, so... look"
He said he clearly saw the line. Little did I know at that time, he thought the control line was the one I was talking about. Whe I later said, no, it's the second line, he was like, well, I'm glad you took that other one, because this one looks fake.

But, wait a second, I'm getting ahead of myself. So, he was super excited! We were gushy for a good while before we got up and moved around. Oh, and in the 'gushy' part, I took a digital and dipped it in the PIAC from the test before. It didn't take long to come up "Pregnant". Here's a pic of my DH and his excitement (along with the test).

His headache persisted, but the good news gave him a better outlook on the day.

Friday, October 12, 2007


Ok, ok... I took a test, and there was barely a line. I mean I had to lean in just the right light and look sideways at it, and I had a line. Crazy. Then, I took two more tests on my lunch break, and darker lines.

I'm pregnant. Wow.

I haven't told my husband yet, as I wanted to get him a little 49ers jumper, and show him something so he would believe me. Let me tell you: the tests this morning wouldn't have flown. No way. He would have thought I was crazy.

So, my lunch included me running around like a nut to purchase the following:
49ers infant set: includes onesie, booties and a little hat
"My Boys Can Swim" by Ian Davis
and a singing card saying You did it! and it sings "whoop there it is" Super cheesy, I can already see my husband's eyes rolling!

That being said. I think he knows. He kept patting my belly the last few days. And I've had some weird symptoms which don't coorespond with my period.

I. Still. Can't. Believe. It.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I don't think I'm pregnant

And that's a bummer.

My chart isn't looking good, and I just don't feel like it's going to be this cycle. I feel like if I get it out there, it's going to hurt a little less. We'll see.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

ok, time for a new post

So, I'm sitting here, at 8DPO, and I have a bunch of tests at home. 7 to be exact. And, here's the kicker... they have to be used by 11/07. That's when they expire. Fun for me. I get to pee in a cup and use a little dropper to dispense 3 drops into the the little circle thing and wait my 3-5 minutes.

Am I pregnant? I don't know. My boobs hurt. That's new. I had cramping, but that's gone. It's still too early to tell. This is pure torture. Sitting. Waiting.

I think it'd be better if work would distract me. But it's not. It's been super slow. My 'supervisor' is also supposed to be my 'partner' and he's trying to take on more of a 'supervisor' role. That means he's taking a large majority of my duties, and trying to get me to back off on the rest of my duties. And, at this point, I'm supposed to play along. Bullshit. So, I'm sitting here, blogging at work. Blogging and 'nesting'. That's that baby website I spoke of before. Oh, and of course! I'm waiting.

My period is due sometime between Saturday and Monday. I'll be testing every day up until then. Ah, back to the tests. I've got 7. I had 25 back in June, when we had our 'oops'. I used 13 since then, apparently. If I count right, that's 4 cycles... 1 test was blown because I opened the package, looked down, and AF (my period) had begun. That bitch. Anyway... They all expire next month. Does that mean I get to use them in November or not? Hmmmm, hopefully I won't have to find out!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Not so calm now...

Why, oh why, is my body messing with me? After last cycle, I was sure I was going to pin point ovulation, or at least be prepared to 'go at it' before O. I was armed with temping and OPK's. I knew there was no way we could miss. Well, if my temp is still up tomorrow, it looks like I might have O'd on Monday. Which is only 8 days into the cycle. I didn't finish my period until Friday, so that gave me 2 days to go at it. And I didn't think I'd have to do that at least until later on this week.

This. Sucks.

I guess there is a bit of a silver lining: if we missed it, we should be on another cycle in a few short weeks. I'm still doing OPK's, just to see if my temps have been wonky (yes, that's a word to me) due to lack of sleep. Thanks to PG&E, the power went out over night Monday night. My FIL stayed with us on Monday night, and he was up trying to help my husband and I make the house alarm shut up. We finally figured it out, after 20 minutes. Took some time to go back to sleep.

All in all, this is frustrating. I feel like the only way we have a chance is if we have sex every day. I don't have the endurance for that! And, for whatever reason, every time I'm *near* O'ing, family comes to town and stays with us. Not so conducive to baby making. Well, of course there will be updates to follow.