Friday, February 29, 2008

Me as me now, not as a Mom.

I started reading 'Baby-proofing Your Marriage" last night after hearing it recommended many times over on the pregnancy/baby boards.

It's interesting. They said you forget, within a few weeks, who you were before your baby. You become a totally different person, with a new point of view on life. I think this is what lead me to want to have a child. I started to look at my life, I realized that what I was looking forward to was more materialistic than anything else, and that I wanted more.

I remember sitting on the couch, watching TV with Nick (I think the Yanks were playing) and thinking: this weekend, we're going out to dinner, and I'm excited for that. But what else could I be excited for? We've been together for a long time, we're happy, but I want more. I want to be a family. I want to live for our children, not for 'what's on tv tonight' or, for a dinner out. I still will desire those things when we have a child, in fact, I know I'll appreciate it more than before but they won't be providing my primary source of entertainment/excitement. Those are supposed to be 'nice' things, not something you live for.

At this point, I realize I'm babbling... let me get back to my original point. Who am I now? I want to look back at this a year from now and recall how drastically my life has changed. So, who am I, what do I love, what are my hopes and dreams (all excluding pregnancy and baby).

I love to knit. Love it, have for quite some time, but I have to love my project, or I won't pick it up.

I look forward to watching the Yankee/Red Sox series with Nick. It's fun. (mostly, depending on the result, but that's another blog entry). I also enjoy watching a couple of hours of football with Nick, but I can only handle one game, then I need to get up and move!

I love to sit out on our back patio which is situated under this big tree, over looking the rolling hills of my home town with a glass of wine and a good friend. Or, good conversation.

I enjoy the bird singing in previously noted big tree in the morning. Even when it wakes me up on the weekends at 6:30.

I love being able to sleep until 6:30 (or 7, or 8) and not NEEDING to get out of bed for anyone but me.

I enjoy a fantastic dinner, at any of the following restaurants (my fav in the last year or so) Postino (collective awww goes here, this is where we were married), Ruth's Chris, I'd like to go back to Seasons, at the 4Seasons in San Francisco, tonight, we're going to CoCo500 in SF for a very good friend's birthday. I enjoy that place, too. There are so many more restaurants, I realize this was silly to note them. In any case, I love eating out. At a restaurant with unbelievable food, tiny in size, large in flavor. With wine. Or a cocktail, or, both.

I love a good cocktail. Make it pretty (not girly, per-se) and make it not too sweet. Bing Crosby's 'June in January' key-lime martini comes to mind.

I'm a bit of a foodie in general.

I love a good trip to the San Francisco Farmer's Market. Must stops? Rechutti Chocolates for fleur de sel caramels enrobed in dark chocolate, a great hunk of bread from Acme and some cheese from Cow Girl Creamery. Bonus: either oysters and champagne from Hog Island Oyster Co. or a blue cheese BBQ burger (with an onion ring!) from Taylor's. (Note to self: must do this at least once before June!)

I enjoy camping and backpacking, but haven't done it in years.
Same goes for Rock Climbing.
I love the sunshine. I'll do anything to get out in it often.

I love living in the suburbs. I love my car and driving to where I need to go, parking without problems (or paying) and getting back on the road. I'm a nerd in this way.

I love my friends, and will do almost anything for them.
I'm a terrible liar. Really, really bad.

I'm passionate about work. I work for a small company and I love to see it thrive. When the finances are tight, I actually halt my personal spending, too, just because I get in that mode, and it carries over to home. I love business, I love meeting goals and deadlines and I want nothing more than this little company to do as well as possible. At one point, I let myself get carried away with work, which I think encouraged me to look at what I was 'living' for, and we decided to TTC about the same time.

I like quirky things. I've got a miniature dining room chair (cast iron) holding my business cards on my desk and a bouquet of paper flowers from paper source on my desk at all times.

I love a great handbag... if you get a new one, and you let me examine it, I will essentially molest it to see the in's and out's of the bag. If I approve, I'll often ask to see it again at a later date. I love the craftsmanship of a great bag. I don't have all that many, but I love the ones I own.

I enjoy photography. I don't take my camera out as much as I *should* but at social events, I'm almost always lugging it around. I want to work on my "craft" but I feel there is still so much to learn.

I'm an emotional person.
I've been told I'm bossy and 'mothering'. I don't know how Nick deals with it.
I'm an optimist.
I smile a lot.

I think that's a reasonable snapshot of me, thus far. Comment anything else you can think of (be nice!) that I've missed here.


Wednesday, February 27, 2008

I'm angry...

LIFE ISN'T FAIR. And that sucks.

I'm angry. Pregnancy is such a fragile thing. It's a huge question mark in the beginning. You're always second guessing yourself, and your body and they tell you to 'relax and it will be fine'. There's really nothing you can do, but it's just not possible to relax. Meanwhile, you're planning for your baby, and patting your belly and hoping that all the symptoms are worth it.

I'm just writing this to get it out. Hearing about miscarriages makes my heart sink every time, but especially when it's someone I feel close to.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Big urge to post, a lot!

So, I've realized how much is really changing in a short period of time, and, with that, I suddenly want to post. A lot. So here's a couple of things on my mind:

Work's falling behind, and I really am ok with that. I'm normally a go-getter, type A, get-things-done type of girl. But lately, I've succumbed to some of the fatigue. Well, it's not really fatigue, in it's true sense, it's more like I've just let things go a little slower. And I'm ok with that. Actually, I'm happy with it.

I've started walking at lunch with a co-worker in addition to eating better. She's getting married in May, and I need to get up and move. Yesterday we went for our first mini walk and it was beautiful outside. I love it when nature cooperates!

I've been craving veggies! I went to Whole Foods this past weekend (yum! we moved farther away from it so I don't get to go weekly anymore, so when I do go, I get super excited!) While at the store, it was crowded (not unusual) but I realized how difficult it is to maneuver through a store with a cart and this belly! I tried to squeeze past a few people and realized I got stuck right at my non-existent waist. I know this is good, but I was disappointed in others in not allowing for more room ... not just for me, but for not being aware of other people in general, and being quite absorbed in their own tasks. I know this is the way everyone is, but I will make an effort to be more considerate to others. Anyway, off track... I was craving veggies... I picked up artichokes (YAY!) blueberries, pineapple, my normal spring salad mix, tons of dairy (as usual), carrots, tomatoes and a few other things. I think the change in weather has helped that, as I'm not craving soups as often. Fresh, fresh, fresh! I hope this continues.

More later!

23w, 1d

Monday, February 25, 2008

New Pic, Up's and Down's

So, a friend turned me onto a podcast site that I love! It's called pregtastic( and I've become quite a fan. (Thanks, Alison!) I've found that I can sit and listen to the pod casts while I'm knitting for our little one. So, something they do every week with those speaking during the pod casts is ask their 2 Up's of the week and 2 Down's.

This week, for me:
2 Up's:
1) Our crib is in our nursery, everything fits: one double bed, one dresser (will be used as a changing table) the crib - so pretty! and a blue velvet swivel rocker that I inherited from my Grandmother. I love sitting in that room. Nick has practiced picking up our little girl out of the crib a couple of times :)
2) My diaper bag also came in. AND, I knit a really, really cute hat for the baby... working in a little cardigan now.

2 Down's:
1) I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable. I'll get numb in my legs if I sit wrong.
2) I'm not exercising as much as I'd like. AND, I'm starting to outgrow my maternity clothes (yikes!)

Comment with your up's and down's for this past week :)

Here's the new pic for this week!

23w even!

Friday, February 22, 2008

I finally measured my waist!

I've been scared to measure my new waist size since becoming pg... But, I finally did... here's the current stats:

Weight: 150lbs (+20lbs.)
Waist: 35inches (originally 27)
Bra: 34DD (originally 34B)

I think that's all I can pic this weekend!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Up 20 lbs, officially

I got on the scale this week and I had to move the bottom weight. I'm officially up 20 lbs. I'm not really sure how I feel about that. I know I'm 'wearing' it well, but it's just new territory for me. I know it's a good thing, but I definately think twice before reaching my arm into a freezer for a big bowl of ice cream.

That, and, strangers are staring. Blank stares. I'm also being asked "When are you due?" When I say June, they look at my belly, then at my face, then at my belly again. Apparently I'm showing more than they think I should I don't know what to think of that, either. Again, all new territory. Oh, and I'm growing out of my first round of maternity clothes. A maternity shirt is now not long enough to cover the bottom half of my belly. The baby kicks at any waist band (she's demanding like her mama!). Looks like I'll have to invest in some more dresses.

Good news? We ordered our crib and my diaper bag. I'm stoked. I'm due for new pictures this weekend... we'll see how good I am about posting them!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Most recent belly pics

This is my FAVORITE outfit for at home. When I come home from work (or from being outside amongst the general public) I change into this outfit, often accompanied by a sweatshirt within 7 minutes of arriving home (1 minute for a welcome kiss from Nick, 2 minutes to pee and some extra time to drop off my stuff, not necessarily in that order, but you catch my drift). 

Anyway, this was taken this past Sunday evening (21 weeks even)

Monday, February 11, 2008

Warm, gooey feelings

Nick has been so good, SO good throughout this pregnancy thus far. We've been together a long, long time (10 years by the time our little one is born) and I've never loved him more. He's been taking a much larger role in taking care of the hosue (without asking!) and ensuring I'm comfortable, running for water, helping me off the couch and so much more. We've had a couple discussions about it, we've always loved each other, but since the pregnancy has begun, we have a more 'deep' relationship. It's really difficult to explain, but this is a new bond we've never had before. I can only imagine how that will change (for the better) with our little girl in our arms.

Speaking of our little girl, I'm starting to feel more and more movements. It's hard, as soon as I feel her wiggling around, I want to put my hand on my belly and encourage it, but, since I feel the movement through the sensors in my skin, me touching the belly overrides the sensation from inside. So, when I feel her squirming, I just have to sit back and enjoy. It's an odd sensation, and it continues to make her all that much more 'real'.

Last week, the stranger comments started. And once someone said something, EVERYONE has noticed. It's a good thing, I enjoy it. However, I'm back to that "Do I have to squeal when they ask me about the baby?" question. I was at the grocery store and the clerk said "OOHHH!!!!! It's a BABY!!" I chuckled along with Nick's mom and my sister-in-law. The poor clerk said "Was that a bad thing? To say?" (poor woman). No, we're just laughing because I was sneaking a bit of chocolate on the conveyer belt for my craving and Nick's mom would have rather bought it for me.... She then coined the term "chocolatey-evil" for my sarcastic tone and mood... It's been a joke ever since... Anyway, off track as usual. Ackowledging the belly is good, I just don't have the energy to jump up and down everytime someone congratulates me.

21 weeks, even

Monday, February 4, 2008

I'm half way there! AND, it's a Girl!

OK, so I haven't posted about the sex, because we just told our parents this weekend that it's a girl. We're both so excited, as are they, and can't wait for our little one to arrive.

That being said, it's still 20 weeks away. But that's ok. There's a lot to get done before she makes her appearance, and I'm enjoying this particular stage of pregnancy... a big enough bump for random strangers to offer my Mom and I a seat in Peets (mmmm, peet's coffee! don't fret, I ordered a decaf) but still small enough to still have energy and not have to deal with carrying around a 5-8 lb. baby inside me (yes, I'm aware they get bigger than this, but I'm not going to acknowledge that MINE will get bigger than that, because it freaks me out).

In any case, I'm officially at 20 weeks. Over half. Who-da-thunk it would've gone by this quickly, and yet so slowly. I have a feeling that this is going to be an eye opening experience that I'll get to deal with the rest of my life, and as long as I'm around to watch our baby grow up. As I look forward, time seems to slow down, almost as though it's crawling. However, when I look back, I realized that this experience is half over and I won't get to be pregnant all that much longer.

New belly pics on their way, as we have to spread the 'girl' news to family and friends this week!

20weeks - even!