Holding Grayson, I had flash backs. It's hard to imagine her being that small again. The memories are bittersweet as it was one of the most difficult times I've ever been through. I know that sounds rather dramatic, but when you're right in the middle of it, it's hard. The crying, the hot flashes when the crying begins, trying to figure out supply and latch, bearing through the latch because you know it's going to hurt, trying to unlatch only to relatch because it's wrong... it's all one big guessing game. Up until she started smiling I had little to know what I was doing was right and good for her. I had an oversupply so I was feeding her too much, then, once I backed off on feeding her I always second guessed whether she was really done, or if she just needed to pacify. It was challenging.
Now that we're in the 'throws' of teething, it's hard. It's still hard, but in a different way. I've seen my happy, well rested baby. I've seen her smile and giggle and to see her go from crying to laughing to crying and screaming and it's challenging. I've come to the conclusion that motherhood (and parenthood for that matter) is nothing but a series of guesses. You guess what to do next, whether it's right to sleep train (for them AND for you), when to feed, when not to feed, when to introduce solids, when to ramp up solids, etc. It's a challenge. But, watching her feed yesterday, it's all worth it. All I need is to see her snuggle up and be content if only for a few moments to know that I'm doing all that I can for her. Our series of guesses has gotten us this far, she's thriving, she's doing well. Her teeth are coming through (visual evidence below) and she's a happy child.
I'm currently listening to the inauguration of the 44th president of the United States. The change that we as a country have finally accepted makes my heart go flutter. And I feel cheesy stating the obvious, but I'm going to do it anyway: I have high hopes for my daughter. I have high hopes for her future. It's difficult with the country going through a recession, but knowing and trying to envision all that is out there for her gives me hope. I'm so excited to watch her grow up with the obstacles in front of her, knowing the series of guesses I will continue to make, no doubtedly for the rest of her life (or, at least until she's a teenager) will be so she can live the best life possible. The impact is tremendous and after seeing the change that has taken place in 7 months (ok, one day shy of 7 months) is amazing.
1 day shy of 7 months.