Six Month Letter

Dear Clara,

And with that, you're officially 6 months old. I can't believe I'm writing that. It feels as though you've been a part of our family and our lives forever. It's hard to remember what it was like with 'just' 3 of us. I do remember that it was easier, A LOT easier, but the amount of love that you've added to our family, our little unit is immeasurable.

You never fail to make us smile. Your cries are infrequent, but when you do, you jet out your lower lip and make us all pout with you. It's adorable.
You're such a happy baby. Easy going. You only really fuss when something is seriously wrong. You're a pleasure to be around, and you're adaptable to each person as you meet them.
We baptized you this month, Clara. You did so well, no tears, no naps, but a lot of love.
Aunt Laura had deemed herself your Fairy Godmother and Uncle Andy is your Godfather. We know they'll watch out for you. We know Uncle Andy will be vital to ensuring Dad's 'No Dating Until You're 30' policy stays intact. He'll arrest anyone that asks you out on a date. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I love your little personality. You love to smile, to laugh, to make us laugh. Your favorite activity is to watch your sister. I know sooner rather than later, you'll be following her around. But for now, you watch.
With your big brown eyes. I wanted you to have brown eyes. It looks like they're headed in that direction. They make me smile almost as much as your hair.
:) You love to jump, jump, jump in your jumpy. You could play in that thing all day if we'd let you! You're so very strong, my dear. Daddy is already calling you his little soccer player.
There's that hair! I fully expected it to fall out, but it's held on. Often times, I think it looks like a little toupee. I can only imagine how it will look when it's long and curly!
Sigh, half a year old. What will I ever do with you? How can I keep you small, loving, non-mobile and non-verbal? Just like with your sister, I cherish these moments, because I know they'll soon be gone. I've been packing up your newborn and 3 month clothes slowly as it's the last time I'll ever pack up clothes that tiny. The last time I'll wash them. I'll continue to cheer your developmental milestones, but I'll also mourn the months as they go by. I'll do my best to document, for you, for me but I'm honestly struggling to keep up. You're growing so very fast!
I love you, Peanut. You'll always be my peanut. Thank you for being you.

Love,

Ma-Ma

Five Month Letter

Dear Clara,

Peanut, you're growing by leaps and bounds. Suddenly, you've decided staying petite is for the birds, and you're growing, growing, growing! We recently had your check up and you were just shy of 14 pounds. You're still on the small side, but catching up to the average very quickly.

You, my dear, are quite the chatterbox. You like to 'yell' at your sister in particular, to get her attention and to try to get her to talk to you. You absolutely adore her and that makes me so very happy. You're currently working on bringing in your bottom two teeth and you again have shown us that you are very different from your sister in that you'll fuss a bit, but if we give you something to chew on (even if only our wrist), you're a happy camper.
We recently brought your jumper home and you are a VERY happy girl. You love to jump and jump and jump the day away. Your legs are getting strong. Dr. Covin (your pediatrician) had you standing (supported) and was trying to encourage you to take a step. I scolded him and told him we're not ready for a mobile baby! You have, however, figured out how to maneuver around on your belly... you kind of scoot and kick and pull and suddenly you're 180 degrees from where we put you down and 2 feet away from the original location. I refuse to believe you're going to be crawling in a few short months. That doesn't stop you from trying.
You don't fuss often, but when you do, it's mighty cute. I still haven't gotten 'the' lip on film, but I had to snap this one before rescuing you because you are just too darn cute.
Pop Pop (Daddy's Grandpa) came out to visit along with your Great Aunt Reenie and Great Uncle Harold. They were so very excited to meet you! Aunt Reenie said you look a lot like her daughter (Daddy's cousin), Jeanine. Lots of curly hair and the O family skin tone. I'm so happy you had the opportunity to meet Pop Pop as I don't know that he'll be able to visit California again.
Clara, you're fun. You make coming home my favorite part of the day, just to see your big smile and watch you jump, jump, jump! But what I love even more than that is watching you make your sister giggle, who in turn makes you giggle and then the giggle fits spread to your Daddy & I, too. Life is good.
I love you so much. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being our happy easy baby. Thank you for only being 5 months old today. Now, you can stop growing, ok? Wait. I take that back. I am looking forward to seeing your personality continue to emerge, I know I've met you and I already know you, but I look forward to one day have the conversations I'm having with your older sister, with you. Just don't grow too fast, ok?

Love,

Mama

Three Month Letter

Dear Clara Jane,

Today you are 3 months old. Where the time has gone is beyond me. You, my dear, have absolutely filled our lives with so much joy and love, we hardly know what to do with ourselves. Your Daddy, Jenna, Irma and I will all bend over backwards and do whatever needs to be done to see your smile. And those dimples slay us. Often times, we just come out looking silly as you stare at us.

I went back to work this month. Before I did, we went to as many Mommy & Me groups as possible and I ate plenty of cupcakes for both of us. I can't help it, they're delicious and right across the street from Day One.
We had the opportunity to go up to Nanny & Poppie's house for a visit. You did absolutely wonderfully. I think you enjoyed the dry mountain air. Having Nanny there to spoil you helps tremendously as well.
Right before heading back to work, I wanted to get photos of you and Jenna among the beautiful daffodils in Livermore. I had great visions of you and her with smiles surrounded by flowers. You had other ideas:
Once I told Jenna it wasn't appropriate to try to hush you, you actually quieted down a bit.
Until you realized I had you in a basket, you had no pacifier and you weren't physically touching me.... We fixed all those problems:
You're so inquisitive. You don't hesitate to evaluate everything around you, size it up, and then decide whether you're going to smile or cry.... or just continue to stare with those ever active eyebrows.
You've been terrific at Irma's. For the first few weeks, she threatened to keep you. She said you were just the perfect baby, smiling all day long, only whimpering when you were hungry or needed to sleep. She adores you and we couldn't be happier to have you with your sister during the day. I love the faces that you give me. It makes me ache to come home and see what 'face' I'll be getting when I see you.
And then, when you're sleeping, I just want to smooch your sleepy baby lips. It's moments like this that I just want to hold on to. I know it's all fleeting and that makes me sad, however, the thought of you walking and talking and playing with Jenna makes me wish time moved faster. It's a strange dichotomy.
Your chubby baby toes... again, it's all fleeting. Soon you'll have stinky toddler feet. And painted toes. And as much as I try to deny the fact that now I'll have *two* teenage daughters, one day you'll be wearing heels and makeup and driving away.... It's those thoughts that make me grab my camera as much as possible and capture you now. New, fresh and squishy.

Your sister loves you so very much. Sometimes a little too much. She wants to hug and kiss and squeeze you. She tries to help you hold your rattle and gets excited when you look at her and smile at her. She's just as smitten as the rest of us.
You may be small (petite, really), but you've opened our lives to a love I didn't think was possible. You continue to enrich each of our lives with a sense of wonder. Thank you, CJ.

Love,

Mama

Two Month Letter

Dear Clara,

Happy two month birthday! As expected, the time continues to fly by and I can't believe you're already 1/6th of a year old. At the beginning of the month, Grandma said every picture of you is either yawning or sleeping. I reminded her that that's just what you do at this age. Well, that, and be cute. You're an old pro at that.

Then, you started smiling. You're quite reserved with your smiles, you primarily share them with Daddy, but every now and then I get to peek at one as well. You have shallow dimples, and I'll do just about anything to get a glimpse at them. I'm not sure where you got them from, but I'm in love with them already. Adorable.

You've rolled over a few times, but the kind of rolling over that is completely and totally unintentional. You've come close to rolling off the couch (and gave your Daddy a near heart attack in the process) and you like to turn your head from side to side as I hold you. Your head control is good for short periods of time and then you flop. I think you look like a ventriloquist's puppet. Daddy will move your lower lip so it's as though you're singing and talking...
You've turned out to be a relatively good sleeper thus far. Yes, I'm still getting up in the middle of the night, but when you decide you want to sleep, you do just that. I know it's short lived and now that I've actually written the above words, I'm sure you'll change your sleeping habits drastically, but I want to write it down to remember you CAN sleep :)

Your fussy period tends to start either at dinner time, or, more commonly just as I'm finishing up Jenna's bedtime story. You are not happy, tend to be over tired and just cry. It breaks my heart knowing I really can't do anything to make it better, but try, try, try to soothe you. Bouncing on the exercise ball, shh'ing and playing the 'hairdryer' track on the computer works at times, but not always. I continue to remind myself that this is a phase, a short lived phase and I soak up all the other times of the day. However 8pm - 10pm seem to be the slowest 2 hours of the day...
We're starting to get a glimpse into your personality. I still think you'll be the serious one, but in the last few days, you've started to use your voice. You like to talk to the frog that hangs from your bouncy seat, you chatter and laugh at him and it makes my heart smile. Then, when I peek over to see your face, you look at me as though I'm intruding on your conversation. Sorry, Peanut, I'll make sure to give you some alone time with the frog.
The last month has been filled with play dates, lunches, Mommy & Me classes and friends. I also took you to a two day planning conference for work and you did quite well. I can assure you that's the last time you'll be taken to a work meeting. Mommy has become addicted to Kara's Cupcakes and we visit them as often as is possible (dangerous... and I wonder why the pregnancy weight isn't falling off).
You're a blast. I'm enjoying each moment I have with you before going back to work. You've already gained quite a bit of weight as you're likely at approximately 10 pounds (you can blame the Kara's cupcakes, too). Getting bigger every day. Newborn clothes are a thing of the past. You're smiling, laughing (which kind of sounds like you're choking... either way it gets our attention) and taking the rather forceful hugs, kisses and hand holding of your older sister amazingly well.
Thank you so much for choosing us as your family. Thank you for completing our family. We can't wait to love and embarrass you (as only family can do) simultaneously.

Love,

Mommy

We're starting to see smiles...

Clara's now 6 weeks old. That magical age that comes with a growth spurt (read: fussy, overtired, cluster feeding mess) and then magically rewards the parents with smiles. Clara seems to be a serious child and only smiles on rare occasions thus far... but when she does... it's magical. She's got dimples, y'all!

Thank goodness for the smiles because dealing with a baby that only eats, poops and cries is no fun. Good thing she's cute.

One Month Letter

Dear Clara,

You've been in this world for a month now. I know time flies by, and I knew that when I was pregnant, and I planned, and hoped that I could somehow, some way slow time down and appreciate every minute I had with you while you're tiny. I have done my best to soak in every minute, every squeak, every grunt (and oh are you ever a grunter!) the bat of every eyelash and even the cries.

You arrived early. I wasn't ready for you to come out yet. I was still enjoying rubbing your back while you were in my belly. I enjoyed watching you kick vigorously and I especially enjoyed watching you try to escape through my belly button on New Years Eve. I hope to never forget that night. I think you were celebrating being a 2011 baby and escaping the ability to be claimed on 2010 taxes (speaking of, we could have used that deduction, apparently).

Your first two to three weeks, you were so sleepy. Quiet. Yes, when you cry, it's LOUD, but you were quite content. Happy. It seems as though you've started to wake up in the last week and a half or so. And by wake up I mean you've been getting fussy. And by fussy I mean that the minute we turn off the light in Jenna's room and say good night to her, you scream bloody murder. Because you apparently like to keep us up on our toes. And up at night, too. We know that's par for the course, and although you're giving us a run for our money, I really don't think it's as bad as it was with your sister.

I should warn you. As the second child, my only experience in parenting was your sister. I don't have any other reference point. So although I'll try not to compare and contrast, I know it's bound to happen and I apologize for that. I'll try not to make it a competition (although if it was, Jenna would be kicking your butt in the colic category, which I absolutely appreciate right now!) So I'm sorry about all the comparisons well in advance. Tell your therapist I said so in about 20 years, ok?
I think you're going to be quiet and reserved. Not necessarily shy, but your facial expressions say so much about your personality already. You make some awesome faces. Daddy and I can't help but laugh when you're stretching and you make the turtle face. It's so cute. Your forehead furrows when you're stretching, when you're tired and you're able to make a fierce 'raisin face' something Daddy has yet to master.
Your hair. You have so much hair. And it's all at least an inch long. I haven't tried to do pigtails just yet, but don't be surprised if I try in the near future before it thins out.
You absolutely complete our family. It's like we were waiting for you and now our family is whole. You warm each of our hearts and it's already difficult to remember what life was like before you made your appearance.
Your sister adores you. She's quick to come up and give you hugs and kisses, and asks to hold you all the time. You tolerate her excitement pretty well. I hope one day you'll grow to be very close with one another, as I'd imagine only sisters can be.
You're growing like a weed. As I mentioned earlier, you're up over two pounds, out of all of your newborn sleepers already. I keep grasping to slow time down, but it just doesn't happen. I know I can't keep you small, and although it's tempting, I really am excited to get to know YOU, your personality.
When I was pregnant, I had no clue what you would look like. People asked me all the time I and I replied 'I guess she'll just look like Jenna'. When you arrived, I was surprised at how very wrong I was. You started off looking like your cousin, Annika and now you've developed your own little 'look'. I can't tell who you look like though I see glimpses of my Grandma in your facial expressions. Your head is small and your features are small as well, but well developed. You look more like a little person than a baby. I'm sure I'll eat those words in a year or two (or ten!) but you look mature for the ripe old age of 1 month.

Thank you, Clara for choosing us as your family. For letting us love and embrace you and torture you as your parents (and sibling!) for the rest of your life. I'll do my very best for you, always.

Love,

Mommy

Clara Jane's Birth Story

So, in my last post, I said I was having some contractions, and they were timeable, but I was pretty sure it wasn't going to be the day. Afterall, it was 10 days before my due date and I wasn't ready. There was so much I had planned to do the week of January 3rd once Jenna was back in day care. So much to do to prep for the baby, to have a little down time to myself. To enjoy being pregnant for the last time. The pregnancy was treating me well, I wasn't miserable. I needed a pedicure. :)

At 3am on January 3rd, I woke up with pregnancy insomnia. Pretty typical. I waited a half hour in bed and decided to get up to get some work done. Payroll was due the next day and I wanted to get the time sheets prepped. I went to log into my work computer (remotely) and I couldn't get in for some reason. Hence, the blogging. I was just awake.

About 4am, I noted some contractions. Not painful, but I did recognize there was a pattern to them. So I started writing down the start times. 4 minutes apart. Hmmm... My last labor progressed really quickly, so I definitely was paying attention. I was starving all the sudden, so I went to make a bowl of oatmeal (the frozen stuff from TJ's is awesome, btw) at about 5:00. The contractions were progressively becoming more painful and I had to start breathing through them a bit. In between each contraction, I was doing great. I went back to bed at 5:30 in hopes of slowing the contractions down. It did that, but it also made them stronger. They were 6 minutes apart but I had to really go to my happy, calm, labor place to get through them. I did visualization with my last delivery, and I had been reviewing the materials periodically through this pregnancy. I was much more calm this time around, and I think that helped in the long run.

I decided I would wake Nick at 6:30, 20 minutes before Jenna wakes up to tell him I was in labor and this was most likely it. I sat and thought about the January 3rd birthday that this baby girl would likely have. I thought about all I hoped and planned to do with this week, while Jenna was at day care, Nick was at work and I was going to put my feet up, read, shop and relax before the baby comes. Of course, that all went out the window. I continued to breath through the contractions.

I remembered last time I was rather violent with each contraction... Yelling, groaning, in pain, voicing that pain for all to hear. This time, I realized the less I 'fought' each contraction, the easier they passed. They were still painful but I was able to focus to get through them. I knew they would end soon, I could feel them ramp up, peak and fade out. It helped that they were 3-5 minutes apart, so I had time to collect my thoughts, talk to Nick or do whatever I needed to do in between.

So I woke Nick up, told him and no less than 10 seconds after I told him, Jenna got up early for the day. We sent her back to her bed, told her to wait for her alarm clock to turn green. Nick got in the shower, I laid back down for 10 minutes before Jenna got up for good for the day (6:55 am). I got her dressed, she didn't question my brief pauses as I worked through each contraction. Thoughts flew through my head of 'what if this isn't really it? We would have called all the grandparents to come down for nothing' but another contraction would hit, and I knew this baby was coming.

I got in the shower while Nick called his parents and my parents. At 7:30 I called Labor & Delivery and told them the contractions varied from 3-5 minutes apart, but that they were definitely painful and my first labor progressed quickly. They said it was time to come in and they would be expecting me. I let them know that we would be awhile as we had to drop my daughter off first.

I was still in denial. We took our time packing up the car and getting Jenna ready to get in the car. We finally arrived at Uncle Mike and Aunt Heidi's at around 8:30. It took Nick a bit of time to get the car seat out and Jenna's items in their house. I remember watching them walk up the stairs to the house thinking this was the last time our family would only have 3 members. Jenna looked so big and was so excited to hang out with Uncle Mike. She practically kicked us out.

On the way to the hospital, I was still starving. I asked Nick if we could stop to get something to eat, and he said we should probably just get to the hospital. I knew I was stalling. Still in denial. She was early. 10 days early. I wasn't really ready to deliver, I wasn't done being pregnant.

We arrived at the hospital, I was doing really well in between contractions. Nick actually wasn't sure if this was really it because I was doing so well with the contractions, joking with him in between them. When we went to admitting, there was already a couple sitting there. We stood in the hall and the couple kept offering me their chair but I told them it was worse if I sat. Another couple came in about 5 minutes after us, so there were 3 of us that needed to be admitted. The nurses went a little nuts and called for all backups. We were taken down to the surgery center to be admitted, and just in time, we ended up getting into triage fairly quickly. When we got there, there was a woman that was just being checked in the bed next to us, she was 7 cm and her water had broken without her knowledge. Yikes.

They finally checked me and I was 5 cm. Just like last time. I was being patient, apparently everyone had come in to deliver at the same time. During a contraction, I heard someone talk to Nick, and when I opened my eyes, it was the nurse that helped deliver my niece. She went to school with Nick and Mike and announced to the triage nurse that she would be taking us. We then walked to the Labor Suite and that fired the contractions up again once more.

Once in the room, I was debating getting an epidural or not. Last time I didn't have the opportunity, things just progressed too quickly. I emailed my work to let them know I was in labor, and wouldn't be able to submit payroll. That yielded a bunch of texts (and maybe phone calls, I don't remember) back and forth and finally I realized if I waited much longer, I likely wouldn't get the epidural. So I asked for it. Our nurse said she would go get an anesthesiologist as quickly as possible if I wanted one but offered to check my progress to see if things had progressed (to help firm up my decision if need be). I sat down and turned and my water broke. I knew things were about to progress very quickly and when she checked me, I was between 6&7 cm.

She got the IV started, and the anesthesiologist was in the room in a matter of minutes. She gave me the epidural, which wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be (WAY better than a natural childbirth!!) and my nurse said the baby just had to turn and things would move along quickly. This was around 11:30. She had me lay on my side, told me to close my eyes for a bit, let the epidural settle in and call her when I felt pressure.

She said that women who rest tend to have a quicker birth than those that don't. I wasn't sure what to expect. I popped on twitter and/or facebook, then closed my eyes for about a half hour. Suddenly, I felt the urge. I called the nurse, someone else came in. Our nurse was just finishing up lunch and was told to be called when I did. She came in a few minutes later. She checked me and I was fully dilated. I said I feel like I have to push she said 'Go ahead'. I'm pretty sure my eyes bugged out of my head. I gave a push, she watched the progress, called for the midwife and said 'We've got a good pusher'. That was a relief. Last time pushing took so long I was sore for days. I didn't want that again.

The midwife came in (also the same midwife that delivered my niece) and we had to wait for a contraction. So she's there, staring at me. I pushed at about 1pm and her head came out. We had to sit and wait for another contraction to deliver the shoulders and body. At 1:07 pm, Clara Jane was born. I can't believe it took only 2 pushes. She was perfect. And didn't look like Jenna to me at all. That's what I was expecting. But perfect. Beautiful, serene.

She hung out on my chest for awhile and we stared at her. They were cleaning up below. We got an anatomy lesson on the placenta which was more fascinating than gross (believe it or not) and we just watched her. I nursed her a bit, then they took her to be weighted. The nurse was shocked at her weight and actually had to weigh her again. She thought she must weigh more than 6 lbs. 9 oz. but both times, that's what the scale said. She was well proportioned, but small in weight. She immediately earned the name 'peanut'. She was 19.5 inches long. Her hair was curly at delivery (and continues to be curly if wet, but straight when it's dry).

Enough jabber... on to pictures...

Introducing her to her sister:

Nick saved this shirt for 'Labor Day'. It was inspiring :)

First photo as a family of 4

Jenna was so excited to come and meet baby 'Tula'.

And she promptly ate my whole lunch once Clara had moved on to Grandma

Here's her first little photo shoot:

I love her. She's absolutely perfect. Our family feels so complete now. I don't feel like we've taken anything away from Jenna, I feel like we've added more love to our little nest. Jenna adores her, looks after her, loves to give hugs and kisses. She helps with diapers, brings me water when I'm nursing and has done fabulous all around.

My heart is really complete with the addition of Clara Jane to our family.