- I'm a good Mom. It's hard to admit that, but I've come to realize that I need to commend myself for making it through the last 10.5 months and doing the best I can. I have more respect than ever for all Mom's out there whether they're working or a SAHM.
-Never say never. I remember when I was pregnant I had all these ideas of the type of parent I was going to be. The fact that my child would STTN (sleep through the night for those that aren't in the know) by 4 months, that I would breastfeed until Jenna decided to stop, that I would be able to get out of the house perfectly coiffed each day. I imagined that I would be going on monthly date nights and having another night just for the girls. I had wild, crazy dreams. Then I became a Mom. Reality set in. Ask me where I am now? Gee, Jenna has only STTN a handful of times (and when she does, I've learned not to celebrate too loudly as it often jinxs the following night!) Jenna's still being nursed but won't take the bottle (well, she will, when Irma gives her a bottle, but no one else... we're working on Nick being able to feed her now) which cuts out date nights and GNO's.
- Motherhood is demanding. Duh, right? Well you just can't explain it to someone until they've been there. They've been in the trenches and understand it if you happen to take a shortcut or veer from the norm. An example: I don't have Jenna's convertible car seat in the center because it's too hard on my back to get her in and out of the center position. It hurts! I'm not following the 'safety guidelines' to put your child in the center position, but you know what? Jenna's safe. She's buckled safely in her car seat using the latch system (thank goodness! so much easier than using the shoulder belt! No more shifting!) But we had to make that decision. Follow the guidelines or do what works for our family? We're doing what works for our family.
- I still don't believe I'm a parent. I'm still coming around to the idea that I'm a Mom. But there are days that I look at Jenna, well up with tears and can't believe she's ours. We get to keep her. And when the 'P' word (parent) is used, I freak out a bit. I have parents. I grew up with parents being authority figures, adults, grown ups. They go to work and take care of their children. It's weird, I fit the role to a T and yet can't comprehend that I, in fact, am a parent.
- Time flies. I keep saying it over and over. This time has gone by so quickly. It's hard to try to grasp onto the memories as they fly by. I feel like I'm in one of those clear boxes with cash flying all around me and I can't grab any of it. Thankfully, I'm starting to figure out the balance of having the camera in my hand just enough to capture memories, but not so much that I lose out on the experience.
So, I started this post, before Mother's Day. Now I'll finish it from a different perspective.
I love being a Mother. I really, really do. It's a lot of work. I'm running from sun up (or before that) to sun down and then some. The best thing about my first mother's day was the note inside the card Nick got for me. It said something to the effect of "Thank you for all you do, it means a lot". I actually think it was more insightful and sweet than that, but it meant a lot to me. I think that's exactaly what I wanted out of Mother's Day. To be recognized for all that I do for the family. For Nick, for Jenna and for me. It's amazing what the last 11 months have done to me as a person. I'm so proud to be a mother. I'm so proud to be Jenna's mother and Nick's wife.
I also wanted to take a minute to thank all of those I've turned to since becoming a Mother. To all the Mom's out there (you know who you are!) Thank you. Thank you for supporting me, listening to me, helping me when I'm clueless and letting me help you when I've been through something you haven't. We're in this together, raising awesome children and I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you for being one of my very sturdy rocks.