This has been my life for the last few weeks

I ended up being hospitalized for some awesomely fun issues. Since then, my diet has been restricted, I've been on a multitude of medications and I've managed to keep breastfeeding. I don't ever want to forget this episode and hopefully it will lead to a diagnosis shortly. Being separated from my family if for only 30 hours was one of the toughest things I've ever done.

Three Month Letter

Dear Clara Jane,

Today you are 3 months old. Where the time has gone is beyond me. You, my dear, have absolutely filled our lives with so much joy and love, we hardly know what to do with ourselves. Your Daddy, Jenna, Irma and I will all bend over backwards and do whatever needs to be done to see your smile. And those dimples slay us. Often times, we just come out looking silly as you stare at us.

I went back to work this month. Before I did, we went to as many Mommy & Me groups as possible and I ate plenty of cupcakes for both of us. I can't help it, they're delicious and right across the street from Day One.
We had the opportunity to go up to Nanny & Poppie's house for a visit. You did absolutely wonderfully. I think you enjoyed the dry mountain air. Having Nanny there to spoil you helps tremendously as well.
Right before heading back to work, I wanted to get photos of you and Jenna among the beautiful daffodils in Livermore. I had great visions of you and her with smiles surrounded by flowers. You had other ideas:
Once I told Jenna it wasn't appropriate to try to hush you, you actually quieted down a bit.
Until you realized I had you in a basket, you had no pacifier and you weren't physically touching me.... We fixed all those problems:
You're so inquisitive. You don't hesitate to evaluate everything around you, size it up, and then decide whether you're going to smile or cry.... or just continue to stare with those ever active eyebrows.
You've been terrific at Irma's. For the first few weeks, she threatened to keep you. She said you were just the perfect baby, smiling all day long, only whimpering when you were hungry or needed to sleep. She adores you and we couldn't be happier to have you with your sister during the day. I love the faces that you give me. It makes me ache to come home and see what 'face' I'll be getting when I see you.
And then, when you're sleeping, I just want to smooch your sleepy baby lips. It's moments like this that I just want to hold on to. I know it's all fleeting and that makes me sad, however, the thought of you walking and talking and playing with Jenna makes me wish time moved faster. It's a strange dichotomy.
Your chubby baby toes... again, it's all fleeting. Soon you'll have stinky toddler feet. And painted toes. And as much as I try to deny the fact that now I'll have *two* teenage daughters, one day you'll be wearing heels and makeup and driving away.... It's those thoughts that make me grab my camera as much as possible and capture you now. New, fresh and squishy.

Your sister loves you so very much. Sometimes a little too much. She wants to hug and kiss and squeeze you. She tries to help you hold your rattle and gets excited when you look at her and smile at her. She's just as smitten as the rest of us.
You may be small (petite, really), but you've opened our lives to a love I didn't think was possible. You continue to enrich each of our lives with a sense of wonder. Thank you, CJ.

Love,

Mama

Two Month Letter

Dear Clara,

Happy two month birthday! As expected, the time continues to fly by and I can't believe you're already 1/6th of a year old. At the beginning of the month, Grandma said every picture of you is either yawning or sleeping. I reminded her that that's just what you do at this age. Well, that, and be cute. You're an old pro at that.

Then, you started smiling. You're quite reserved with your smiles, you primarily share them with Daddy, but every now and then I get to peek at one as well. You have shallow dimples, and I'll do just about anything to get a glimpse at them. I'm not sure where you got them from, but I'm in love with them already. Adorable.

You've rolled over a few times, but the kind of rolling over that is completely and totally unintentional. You've come close to rolling off the couch (and gave your Daddy a near heart attack in the process) and you like to turn your head from side to side as I hold you. Your head control is good for short periods of time and then you flop. I think you look like a ventriloquist's puppet. Daddy will move your lower lip so it's as though you're singing and talking...
You've turned out to be a relatively good sleeper thus far. Yes, I'm still getting up in the middle of the night, but when you decide you want to sleep, you do just that. I know it's short lived and now that I've actually written the above words, I'm sure you'll change your sleeping habits drastically, but I want to write it down to remember you CAN sleep :)

Your fussy period tends to start either at dinner time, or, more commonly just as I'm finishing up Jenna's bedtime story. You are not happy, tend to be over tired and just cry. It breaks my heart knowing I really can't do anything to make it better, but try, try, try to soothe you. Bouncing on the exercise ball, shh'ing and playing the 'hairdryer' track on the computer works at times, but not always. I continue to remind myself that this is a phase, a short lived phase and I soak up all the other times of the day. However 8pm - 10pm seem to be the slowest 2 hours of the day...
We're starting to get a glimpse into your personality. I still think you'll be the serious one, but in the last few days, you've started to use your voice. You like to talk to the frog that hangs from your bouncy seat, you chatter and laugh at him and it makes my heart smile. Then, when I peek over to see your face, you look at me as though I'm intruding on your conversation. Sorry, Peanut, I'll make sure to give you some alone time with the frog.
The last month has been filled with play dates, lunches, Mommy & Me classes and friends. I also took you to a two day planning conference for work and you did quite well. I can assure you that's the last time you'll be taken to a work meeting. Mommy has become addicted to Kara's Cupcakes and we visit them as often as is possible (dangerous... and I wonder why the pregnancy weight isn't falling off).
You're a blast. I'm enjoying each moment I have with you before going back to work. You've already gained quite a bit of weight as you're likely at approximately 10 pounds (you can blame the Kara's cupcakes, too). Getting bigger every day. Newborn clothes are a thing of the past. You're smiling, laughing (which kind of sounds like you're choking... either way it gets our attention) and taking the rather forceful hugs, kisses and hand holding of your older sister amazingly well.
Thank you so much for choosing us as your family. Thank you for completing our family. We can't wait to love and embarrass you (as only family can do) simultaneously.

Love,

Mommy

We're starting to see smiles...

Clara's now 6 weeks old. That magical age that comes with a growth spurt (read: fussy, overtired, cluster feeding mess) and then magically rewards the parents with smiles. Clara seems to be a serious child and only smiles on rare occasions thus far... but when she does... it's magical. She's got dimples, y'all!

Thank goodness for the smiles because dealing with a baby that only eats, poops and cries is no fun. Good thing she's cute.

One Month Letter

Dear Clara,

You've been in this world for a month now. I know time flies by, and I knew that when I was pregnant, and I planned, and hoped that I could somehow, some way slow time down and appreciate every minute I had with you while you're tiny. I have done my best to soak in every minute, every squeak, every grunt (and oh are you ever a grunter!) the bat of every eyelash and even the cries.

You arrived early. I wasn't ready for you to come out yet. I was still enjoying rubbing your back while you were in my belly. I enjoyed watching you kick vigorously and I especially enjoyed watching you try to escape through my belly button on New Years Eve. I hope to never forget that night. I think you were celebrating being a 2011 baby and escaping the ability to be claimed on 2010 taxes (speaking of, we could have used that deduction, apparently).

Your first two to three weeks, you were so sleepy. Quiet. Yes, when you cry, it's LOUD, but you were quite content. Happy. It seems as though you've started to wake up in the last week and a half or so. And by wake up I mean you've been getting fussy. And by fussy I mean that the minute we turn off the light in Jenna's room and say good night to her, you scream bloody murder. Because you apparently like to keep us up on our toes. And up at night, too. We know that's par for the course, and although you're giving us a run for our money, I really don't think it's as bad as it was with your sister.

I should warn you. As the second child, my only experience in parenting was your sister. I don't have any other reference point. So although I'll try not to compare and contrast, I know it's bound to happen and I apologize for that. I'll try not to make it a competition (although if it was, Jenna would be kicking your butt in the colic category, which I absolutely appreciate right now!) So I'm sorry about all the comparisons well in advance. Tell your therapist I said so in about 20 years, ok?
I think you're going to be quiet and reserved. Not necessarily shy, but your facial expressions say so much about your personality already. You make some awesome faces. Daddy and I can't help but laugh when you're stretching and you make the turtle face. It's so cute. Your forehead furrows when you're stretching, when you're tired and you're able to make a fierce 'raisin face' something Daddy has yet to master.
Your hair. You have so much hair. And it's all at least an inch long. I haven't tried to do pigtails just yet, but don't be surprised if I try in the near future before it thins out.
You absolutely complete our family. It's like we were waiting for you and now our family is whole. You warm each of our hearts and it's already difficult to remember what life was like before you made your appearance.
Your sister adores you. She's quick to come up and give you hugs and kisses, and asks to hold you all the time. You tolerate her excitement pretty well. I hope one day you'll grow to be very close with one another, as I'd imagine only sisters can be.
You're growing like a weed. As I mentioned earlier, you're up over two pounds, out of all of your newborn sleepers already. I keep grasping to slow time down, but it just doesn't happen. I know I can't keep you small, and although it's tempting, I really am excited to get to know YOU, your personality.
When I was pregnant, I had no clue what you would look like. People asked me all the time I and I replied 'I guess she'll just look like Jenna'. When you arrived, I was surprised at how very wrong I was. You started off looking like your cousin, Annika and now you've developed your own little 'look'. I can't tell who you look like though I see glimpses of my Grandma in your facial expressions. Your head is small and your features are small as well, but well developed. You look more like a little person than a baby. I'm sure I'll eat those words in a year or two (or ten!) but you look mature for the ripe old age of 1 month.

Thank you, Clara for choosing us as your family. For letting us love and embrace you and torture you as your parents (and sibling!) for the rest of your life. I'll do my very best for you, always.

Love,

Mommy